Not too long ago, I went to visit some friends who are parents to a 3-year-old girl. After the second day, I almost used my phone to call the nearest mental hospital to beg them to please come collect me since my already-shredded brains had been shredded even more by the non-stop warble of Emma Watson singing in the CGI turd of a live-action Beauty and the Beast movie. My friend’s 3-year-old watches it on a loop, and I’m convinced that the demonic genius that is Mickey Mouse has evil hidden messages in his movies, which hypnotizes 3-year-olds into watching that shit show non-stop. I have the brain of a fetus so it doesn’t work on me. Nice try, Mickey! But you won’t find certain Disney princess movies playing on a loop at Keira Knightley’s house.
The Original KK™ just finished going after a real-life princess (although she says she didn’t) and is now going after Disney princesses. While promoting The Nutcracker and the Four Realms on Ellen, KK said that her 3-year-old daughter Edie is banned from watching anti-feminist cartoon trash like Cinderella and The Little Mermaid. That Nutcracker movie is a Disney project and she’s also been in Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean, so she’s a new kind of bold for shitting on Disney movies while promoting a Disney movie. That shady, sensitive motherfucker Mickey Mouse is going to stroll up to KK’s mansion and say, “What a gorgeous home that was bought using money we got from the sales of those so-called anti-feminist fairy tales you shit on, trick!”
After bringing up Edie, Ellen DeGeneres also brought up the movies that are boycotted in KK’s house:
Ellen: She’s banned from seeing certain children’s movies, right?
Ellen: What are they?
KK: Cinderella, banned, because she waits around for a rich guy to rescue her. Don’t. Rescue yourself, obviously. And this is the one that I’m quite annoyed about because I really like the film, but Little Mermaid. The film is great but do not give your voice up for a man. Hello. I love The Little Mermaid so that one’s a little tricky, but I’m keeping to it.
KK said that Ellen’s movie Finding Dory, Frozen, and Moana are okay for her daughter to watch.
Oh, KK, Cinderella was an emotionally and physically abused trapped girl who was used as a slave and was so starved for any kind of love that she hallucinated talking friends in the form of mice and birds and fairy godmothers and shit. All she wanted was just a teeny bit of happiness and kindness. And Ariel wanted to break free from her bubble of a life before she met Prince Eric. Educate yourself, KK!
And Frozen, really? If I had a kid, that’d be the first movie banned in my house and only because if I have to hear Let It Go one more time, I’ll let go of whatever sanity I have left and will have to be hospitalized, and then my kid will end up in foster care. Frozen tears families apart!
Here’s KK spitting at her employer’s past works on Ellen:
And here’s KK looking very Disney Princess-ey at the ELLE Women In Hollywood gala in L.A. two nights ago: