Hot Slut Of The Day!
409 Beadnose, the Fat Bear Queen of Alaska!
Every year, Katmai National Park and Preserve in King Salmon, AK hosts an event called Fat Bear Week, which fills my head with images of big, beautiful topless hairy man pieces in denim nut huggers and Timbs, dancing to an Ariana Grande remix. I no other words, John Travolta just noted Alaska’s Fat Bear Week as a possible place where pieces go to chase bears like him. But sorry, John, Fat Bear Week is about actual bears.
HuffPo says in October, bears get ready to hibernate for the winter by adding warming layers of chunk to their bodies from shoving as much food into their furry eating holes as they can. I too spend October shoving as much Halloween candy into my eating hole as I can to prepare to never leave my apartment in the winter. Yes, I do that every month and never leave my apartment in any season, but I’m trying to relate to the bears here.
Beginning in 2014, Katmai National Park hosts Fat Bear Week on their Facebook page. They post pictures of the park’s stunningly fat bears at their fattest and ask the public to vote on their favorite fat bears. They put the bears into brackets, and at the end of the week, crown the fattest fatty fat fat bear who fatted the fattest this year. 2018’s contest came down to 409 Beadnose and a bear only known as 747 (who honestly, gave 409 a run for her fat money). Miss 409 came out as the Supreme Fat Bear of Katmai, and the park declared her the winner with these words:
“Her radiant rolls were deemed by the voting public to be this year’s most fabulous flab. Our chubby champ has a few more weeks to chow down on lingering salmon carcasses before she heads up the mountains to dig herself a den and savor her victory.”
Congratulations to Queen 409 Beadnose! She earned it. This is her before and after:
At peak season, brown bears can add up to four pounds of weight a day.
Bear 409 looks like she had no trouble with that. (Yes, this is the same bear. We’re screaming.) pic.twitter.com/Wk1gSjDReX
— Katmai National Park (@KatmaiNPS) October 5, 2018
And to you fat shamers looking to shame Queen 409, don’t bother. First of all, she doesn’t know how to operate a phone so she can’t read your stupid hate. Second of all, she’ll be too busy curling up in her luxuriously warm rolls in her cave to care what you think. All hail the fat queen!
Pic: Reuters/Katmai National Park/Brian Kahn