Most of us got the nether tingles when word came out that Idris Elba and his maybe-maybe-not giant trouser snake were in negotiations to play 007 and double-oh-how-many-inches-is-it, respectively. Idris would have been the first black James Bond, but word is coming out that the role could have had just as momentous a turn years earlier had Michael Jackson gotten his way. Michael wanted to play 007. Alas, the audition sounds like a disaster. I’m shocked!
Metro UK sat down with Michael Ovitz, a famous celebrity agent who claims the King of Pop wanted to play James Bond in the 1980s. Michael Ovitz has a new memoir out, so naturally he has to throw out some tawdry tales to sell those books, and good Bond tea is fine by me. MJ appealed to Michael O. and his business partner Ron Meyer about taking on the role of Bond. Michael O says they were just being nice…until MJ’s hat fell in guacamole, and he still tried to plead his case through the South of the Border staple dripping down his hat:
“Then the blob fell off, and Ron totally lost it. I cracked up, too, and Michael stalked out. I found him and explained for 15 minutes that we hadn’t been laughing at him… Finally, Michael’s face cleared. ‘OK, Ovitz. OK,’ he said. ‘But I want to play James Bond.’ I am proud to report I didn’t laugh, this time.”
Michael O. had to break it to MJ that he was too thin and sensitive to be taken seriously for the part, which the singer seemed to agree with. That later turned him to want to play anyone who would take down Bond and inspired him to write “Smooth Criminal.” OK, no it didn’t. If anything, Michael should have doubled down and tried to sweeten the offer. They could keep production costs low by having Elizabeth Taylor (RIP) play M, Detective LaToya Jackson play Q, Joe Jackson (RIP too…despite being mean) play all the villains, and Janet Jackson’s high kicks serve as any and all weapons. Although, I really don’t want to see Michael Jackson say he likes his Jesus Juice shaken, not stirred.