I’m personally okay with people calling me whatever they like, just so long as it’s not “miss” in a bitchy tone from someone in a manager-requesting haircut. Keiynan Lonsdale, who you might know as Kid Flash on The CW’s The Flash, has recently said that “tree” is the preferred pronoun that tree prefers. No, that wasn’t a typo – it’s tree.
My first introduction to Keiynan Lonsdale was earlier this year on the red carpet at the MTV Movie & TV Awards when he showed up looking like someone who could give Jaden Smith a run for their money in the enlightened cosmic space philosopher department.
As it turns out, Keiynan is much more down to earth, and quite literally. Entertainment Tonight says that Keiynan spoke about gender identity during an Instagram Q&A yesterday. Keiynan came out last year as not straight, which was elaborated on further yesterday. Keiynan is anything, and it depends on the day. But above all, Keiynan iused to go by “he/him,” but no more. Keiynan is tree, and we’re all tree.
“Okay, this might sound stupid, but I don’t care. I don’t think this is offensive…but, I don’t want to go by ‘he’ anymore, I just want to go by ‘tree.’ I want people to call me ‘tree’ because we all come from trees, so it doesn’t matter if you’re a he or a she or they or them. At the end of the day, everyone’s a tree. I want to call my friends tree, and me tree, and every one tree. So, I think like when people ask me what my preferred pronoun is, I’m going to say tree. I’m not high by the way, this is just me.”
I can already see an issue with Keiynan’s claim that we all come from trees. There’s about to be many people who did get high and took what Keiynan said literally. And the next thing you know, they’re lodging an angry complaint with the US Forest Service while staring at an old photo of their mom posing next to a maple in a local park. “Who do I talk to about getting a DNA test on a tree? Because I’m pretty sure there’s one out there that owes my mom some child support.”