I was all about to cynically hate on Duchess Meghan for saying FUCK YES to the dress with her eyes, but I cannot blame her. My eyes would transform into exploding 4,000 watt Philips Hue light bulbs (in shade: hot ginger) if I was looking at the outfit I was going to wear on the day that I could say goodbye to seeing a late fee on a credit card bill and say hello to happily spreading burn cream on my lips (you decide which ones) after rubbing ’em on the royal ginger crotch scepter every night.
The British royal family let cameras into their lives for a documentary called Queen of the World (they’ll be hearing from Mack Z’s lawyers), which will air on the UK’s ITV on September 25 and on HBO on October 1. The ITV trailer is slightly different than the HBO one, so you can click here if you really need to see that.
As reality show stock music plays, the 35-second trailer shows THE QUEEN greet her loyal subjects and take her pocketbook for a walk through the palace as a royal guard picks his nose. Don’t worry, that royal guard can’t do anything uncouth like that in THE QUEEN’s presence again, because she already declared, “Off with his nostrils!” Prince Hot Ginge also tells a group of people that if you bump into THE QUEEN in the corridor, don’t panic even though they all do. Okay, but I’m sure nobody panics like Duchess Camilla when she runs into THE QUEEN in the corridor. She probably rips off her clothes to reveal a catsuit that matches the wallpaper and makes like wall, while praying that THE QUEEN doesn’t smell her scent.
Also in the trailer, Duchess Meghan busts out a fireworks show with her face while looking at her wedding dress.
Meghan says, “53 countries, oh my goodness! It’ll keep us busy”, while looking at her dress. She was referring to the blooms from 53 Commonwealth territories that were embroidered on her veil. I’d love to see the look on the face of the woman who Meghan said that too. Why do I have a feeling the woman was thinking, “Keep US busy?! Trick, please, we’ll be busy with those blooms while you’re busy blooming all over that Hot Ginge.”