Things must be pretty precarious over on #teamwoody because they’ve finally decided to pull out the big gun, and have Woody Allen’s wife Soon-Yi Previn speak out in his defense. In an exhausting and disturbing interview for Vulture, Soon-Yi breaks her silence and dishes about life with The Evil Mia Farrow and how she and Woody The Saint became lovers. It would really be easier if, as a species, we evolved so that our front eyes, over generations, gradually shifted to the side of our faces, so at times like these, we could avoid the serious repercussions of neck and eye strain.
Soon-Yi sat down to be interviewed by Daphne Merkin, who has been friends with Woody for ”over four decades”, so Soon-Yi wasn’t pressed on any particular details. She told the story she wanted to tell, unhindered by any journalistic probing. Soon-Yi’s story in a nutshell is this: Mia was a monster, Woody was kind and gave her the “you is smart” speech from The Help. When he showed her a fancy foreign film, and she displayed sufficient intelligence to “get it”, he rewarded her brilliance by pressing his wobbly old man lips onto her 21-year-old (disputable! Soon-Yi’s exact age is unknown) lips.
But first, here’s Soon-Yi’s thesis statement explaining why she’s speaking out now.
“I was never interested in writing a Mommie Dearest, getting even with Mia — none of that,” Soon-Yi tells me quietly but firmly. “But what’s happened to Woody is so upsetting, so unjust. [Mia] has taken advantage of the #MeToo movement and paraded Dylan as a victim. And a whole new generation is hearing about it when they shouldn’t.”
Why can’t people just forget about the past?! Soon-Yi’s narrative would make an amazing book. Her account starts with her running away from home in Seoul, Korea at 5 years old, with a Disney song in her heart called “There Must Be Something More For Me”. She stares into a bakery window and the kind proprietor takes her to an orphanage. There, she was deemed “a little rebellious”, when she pulled off a nun’s wimple to see if there was hair under there. Our suspiciously precocious orphan was then adopted by Mia, and from the moment she laid eyes on her, Soon-Yi knew she was a phony. She claims she suffered physical abuse, neglect and was on the wrong end of favoritism among Mia’s other children (Mia preferred the blond, blue-eyed children). According to Soon-Yi, “Mia wasn’t maternal to me from the get-go”. The bitterness, anger, and resentment Soon-Yi still holds towards Mia is palatable and potent throughout this interview. But Woody on the other hand, Woody is a saint.
Of how she and Woody first got together, Soon-Yi says:
“We talked quite a bit,” she writes, “and to the best of my memory I came in from college on some holiday and he showed me a Bergman movie, which I believe was The Seventh Seal, but I’m not positive. We chatted about it, and I must have been impressive because he kissed me and I think that started it. We were like two magnets, very attracted to each other.”
Prior to their first kiss, Soon-Yi says that she and Woody’s friendship began when she realized that he was more than “a major loser” whom Mia had trapped and walked all over. In front of Woody she said:
“He’s a poor, pathetic thing. He’s so naïve and trusting, he was probably putty in her hands. One thinks that he’s so brilliant … and yet on certain things he’s so shockingly naïve it makes your head spin and you think he’s putting it on. Mia was waaay over his head,”
Her mind changed (or did it, see above) when she was in 11th grade and came home with a broken ankle. Woody suggested she see a doctor (Mia, being too cruel to ask for help from). After that, Woody offered to drive her to school and Soon-Yi was surprised because she’d been kind of a dick to him. But now that he was paying attention to her, and as she “sensed” that his relationship with Mia was on the rocks, Soon-Yi started seeing Woody in a different light. The two started going to Knicks games together. Soon-Yi went off to college but secretly maintained her relationship with Woody. But, Soon-Yi says it was all casual until Mia found those notorious nudes Woody had taken of her (they were displayed on his mantle).
Soon-Yi and Woody imply that the reason their relationship went from casual sex with your ex-girlfriend’s daughter to star crossed lovers was because they wanted to stick it to Mia whom they agree invented the story that Woody had abused Dylan Farrow, as an act of retaliation for their relationship. Soon-Yi said “It only became a relationship really when we were thrown together because of the molestation charge”. Excuse me, my granola is suddenly in my mouth again.
Ultimately, Soon-Yi’s story is simple. Woody showed her the affection she was missing from Mia.
“I wasn’t the one who went after Woody — where would I get the nerve? He pursued me. That’s why the relationship has worked: I felt valued. It’s quite flattering for me. He’s usually a meek person, and he took a big leap.”
Dylan and Ronan have already slammed New York Magazine’s piece:
My statement on New York Magazine: pic.twitter.com/xml6pdaZqb
— Dylan Farrow (@RealDylanFarrow) September 17, 2018
Statement on New York magazine, which has done something shameful here: pic.twitter.com/xGeQP341OG
— Ronan Farrow (@RonanFarrow) September 17, 2018
Sure, some might argue that Woody’s behavior is ripped from the pages of a “Grooming 101” text book but Soon-Yi is not one of them. In her mind, Mia called her “retarded“, Woody told her she was smart. And Woody has provided her with a world of “material access and opportunity” (Woody’s words) that the Little Orphan Who Could, never could have imagined.