Things are going to be a little awkward at happy hour tonight at the Church of Scientology because of all the snickering and giggles emanating up from the he-man-woman-hater basement steam room. We all know John Travolta, Kelly Preston, and Kirstie Alley spend their time swapping wig and hair tips, errr, reading L. Ron Hubbard books and scribbling “Leah Remini is a fug be-yotch” in their trapper keepers. Well, Kirstie spent the better part of the 80s apparently also writing “Mrs. Kirstie Travolta” in hers. Kirstie has long talked about her crotch Thetans getting hot over John Travolta and now she’s saying the “hardest decision” she ever made was not sleeping with John. The Celebrity Centre Bath House is steaming with LAUGHS today.
It must be that time of the month when the Xenu direct deposit hits at People because they’re out with a story fapping to a Scientologist. Last month’s was all about Tom Cruise, and this month’s theme is to remind everyone how much of a macho, Grade-A MAN John is. Kirstie was on Dan Wooten’s podcast and let it slip she’s still beating herself up over not just cheating on her then-husband Parker Stevenson to play slap-n-tickle with John, her Look Who’s Talking costar:
“I will say it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, the hardest decision I’ve ever made because I was madly in love with him — we were fun and funny together. It wasn’t a sexual relationship because I’m not going to cheat on my husband. But, you know, I think there are things that are way worse than sexual relationships, than cheating on someone that way. I consider what I did even worse because I actually let myself fall in love with him and stay in love with him for a long time.
Kirstie claims it never would have worked out anyway because she and John would have just “devoured each other” because they are so alike. I guess that would be because they would have both clawed at one another like alley cats to get the role of Edna in Hairspray. Yes, that’s exactly why this wouldn’t have worked out. Kirstie basically says she kept flirting with John even after he married Kelly, but eventually, Kelly told her to cut the shit. Oh, pish posh, Kelly! Who can blame Kirstie?! She has to do shit like go on Celebrity Big Brother and recurring Jenny Craig commercials while your ass gets to eat bonbons on John’s jet and make an appearance in a Maroon 5 video while still somehow maintaining a SAG card!