Justin Trudeau’s most hated childhood bully Matthew Perry had to stay in a hospital bed in Los Angeles for three months, according to People. THREE MONTHS! Have you ever been hospitalized for anything? It’s the worst. It’s the worst cuz’ you have roommates in that hospital room. Roommates who just had a colonoscopy and insist on emitting unearthly sounds from their side of the privacy curtain. Roommates who insist on calling the nurse “dear” in a sarcastic, hateful tone that causes your “get well” flowers to wither and die just because they can’t get the volume on the TV to go any louder. Ok, Chandler Bing probably got a private suite that was a glorious paradise with a water feature and solid gold IV bags. Still – three months.
Matthew Perry was reportedly recovering from surgery to repair a gastrointestinal perforation. That sounds ouchie. He hadn’t tweeted for six months until yesterday.
Three months in a hospital bed. Check.
— matthew perry (@MatthewPerry) September 15, 2018
Well, at least he’s not a whiner. For those of you who aren’t medical professionals (or hypochondriacs), here’s the definition of “gastrointestinal perforation”:
A gastrointestinal perforation “occurs when a hole forms all the way through the stomach, large bowel, or small intestine. It can be due to a number of different diseases, including appendicitis and diverticulitis. It can also be the result of trauma, such as a knife wound or gunshot wound,” according to Healthline.com. A three-month bedridden recovery is normal given Perry’s condition.
Seeing as there weren’t any stories about Chandler Bing knife-fighting for gang territory in the streets or having had the bad luck to rent an apartment beside a Dallas police officer’s, it might have been one of the former. His rep is asking for the requisite privacy.
“He is grateful for the concern and asks for continued privacy as he heels,” the statement concluded.
Honestly, that version of the spelling of “heals” is copied and pasted directly from People’s website. So, either someone there typed their post too quickly, or I’ve been moonlighting as Matthew Perry’s publicist. I’m still driving a Kia so it’s probably that first one.