TMZ is claiming that the reportedly-unmarried-so-far Justin Bieber is applying to become a U.S. citizen. Does that mean we can trade Trump to Canada? Isn’t there some kind of strict mega-celebrity asshole quota between nations that must remain perfectly balanced or the earth will fly into the sun? We can’t live in a country that houses both of them. It’s inhumane.
The Biebs is supposedly filing for dual citizenship so he can continue to vex two great nations at once. In addition to wanting to become an American because he’s engaged to U.S. citizen and model (?) Hailey Baldwin, he also wants to become a citizen of a country without universal health care because we’re the best place on Earth or something. Is anyone else picturing him throwing a pouty when he’s informed one of his flunkies can’t just grease the INS dude’s palm with a thousand spot to get his certificate? “Don’t he know who I am, yo?!?,” – Justin when he finds out he can’t cut in line.
When you think about it, it’s no surprise … J.B. spends most of his time in the U.S. and those ties will only get stronger when he marries Hailey Baldwin. We’re told he has a deep love for the U.S. and an appreciation for this country, where he became extremely rich and successful.
The Biebs was born in Ontario but moved to Atlanta when he was 13 to embark on becoming a superstar sensation for the tweens. And despite his evolution into Brat King of Celebrity America, Justin reportedly has no plans to abandon Canada completely.
He could renounce his Canadian citizenship, but we know he would not. Justin feels a deep connection to Canada. In fact, he just bought a massive, $5 million estate on 101 acres in Ontario.
As we continue to sail into the celebrity gossip furor over Justin and Hailey’s opulent-sounding, “lights strung everywhere” wedding plans, we can cling to one anxiety-relieving fact. Even if he becomes a U.S. citizen, Justin can’t ever run for POTUS or vice-POTUS. One celebrity nincompoop somehow becoming president was one too many for this century.