Hot Slut Of The Day!

September 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Hi-C Candy Apple Cooler!

If anybody got diagnosed with diabetes in the mid-80s, the first thing the doctor asked was probably, “Did you happen to drink more than half a box of Candy Apple Cooler?” Because Hi-C’s Candy Apple Cooler was so damn sweet that even typing its name has given me three cavities. As I’ve said many, many times on this blog (because this fact still traumatizes to this day), my mom never regularly gave us candy, or sweet cereal, or anything FUN to eat, but for some reason, she thought Hi-C was healthy-ish.

So we got boxes of Hi-C every now and again, and because I was a regular Little Chrissy (aka a Sugar Zombie), my mouth latched onto whatever Hi-C flavor was the sweetest, and Candy Apple Cooler may have won that title. I can’t exactly remember what Candy Apple Cooler tasted like, but if I blended up a candy apple, added a bag of sugar, and a few tablespoons of corn syrup, I’d probably come sort of close to capturing the teeth-exploding sweetness of Candy Apple Cooler.

And then there was the commercial that had a jingle that burrowed into ears and stayed there. It’s obvious that the kid actors in this never actually drank Candy Apple Cooler while shooting it. Yes, they’re annoyingly perky and have the energy of a Chihuahua on Red Bull, but they’d be on the ceiling if they drank Candy Apple Cooler throughout the day.

That girl in the yellow is Alyssa Milano. It’s strange that she continued to work after that, because you’d think she’d retire after realizing that her career has peaked and it’s never going to get better than a Hi-C Candy Apple Cooler commercial.

Pic: YouTube

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