When the serial rebooters known as Netflix shared the first pictures from the She-Ra reboot, I got up out of my chair, walked to the nearest wall, and did an open-mouthed cry wall slide over those evil butcherers transforming the 80s goddess of mythological glamour into a child in tragic biker shorts and an off-brand She-Ra costume from Big Lots. But after I pulled myself up off the floor and whispered, “You’re my only She-Ra,” into my She-Ra doll’s head, I told myself that the She-Ra reboot isn’t for me. If it was for me, it would be a live-action NC-17 movie starring Elizabeth Berkley as She-Ra, Gina Gershon as Catra, Kyle MacLachlan as Bow, Rena Riffel as Glimmer, and Lin Tucci as Madame Razz. There would also be a scene where She-Ra flops like a dolphin while fucking Bow in a lake in Etheria. Basically, I want a She-Ra/Showgirls crossover. But Netflix’s She-Ra reboot isn’t for me, it’s for the children of today, and now the children of today got their first look at their She-Ra in action.
The teaser trailer shows Sailor Moon’s white second cousin (aka the new Adora) getting lured into the forest by a stranger’s voice. Somebody should really tell Adora that if a strange voice tries to lure you into the forest, run the opposite way and call Chris Hansen. But Adora follows the voice and touches the Sword of Protection, becoming Baby She-Ra!
To me, it still looks like anime as drawn by the worst student in a high school animation class, but it does look better in motion. With that being said, I am not watching Fetus-Ra, because I am not a damn kid. Instead, I’m going to watch episodes of the original She-Ra in my She-Ra onesie while clutching my She-Ra doll like a real grown-up!