Open Post: Hosted By Dame Joan Collins (And Some Others Nobody Cares About) In The “AHS: Apocalypse” Trailer

September 5, 2018 / Posted by:

The preview for American Horror Story: Apocalypse is 45 seconds long, but all you really need to see is the first few seconds, because that’s when the biggest star who has ever graced FX makes her appearance!

American Horror Story: Apocalypse (which really should be called American Glamour Story: ApocAlexis) mashes up together AHS: Murder House and AHS: Coven. Sarah Paulson is back to play several characters (including Billie Dean from Murder House and Cordelia from Coven), and joining her are Jessica Lange (MH and Coven), Emma Roberts (Coven), Evan Peters (MH and Coven), Taissa Farmiga (MH and Coven), Connie Britton (MH), Dylan McDermott (MH), Frances Conroy (MH and Coven), Gabourey Sidibe (Coven), Kathy Bates (Coven), and Lily Rabe (Coven). And because a cast of 10,000 isn’t enough, there’s others in it like Billy Eichner, Adina Porter, Leslie Grossan, Cheyenne Jackson, Billie Lourd, Stevie Nicks, and Cody Fern. But really, who cares about any of them when there’s only one superstar who matters:

DAME JOAN COLLINS!!!!!!!

Ryan Murphy already said that Evan Peters, who I think plays several roles, also plays a “comedic hairdresser,” which explains why he looks like Larry from Three’s Company dipped in peroxide at the beginning of this preview. Joan Collins plays his grandmother. I know, AHS truly is a supernatural fairy tale, because Joan playing Evan’s grandmother is crazy. More like much younger sister. She looks like a glamorous fetus in a wig! Press play on the preview below to take in Joan’s glamour and next-level thespian skills! The reason for that private plane going down is obviously because it couldn’t carry that much glamour and beauty.

Because I’m a journalist, I watched the entire trailer. And I have to say that the production values aren’t as bad as I thought they would be, considering. I mean, the actors obviously had to wear their own clothes and the sets were all made using cardboard that the crew pulled out of a grocery store dumpster. They had to do what they had to do because 99% of the budget went to paying Joan Collins’ salary. And she still did them a major favor by working for cheap.

Pic: YouTube

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