If you try to Google “the definition of true love” right now, you’ll get an error 404, because it doesn’t exist now that the love between an 18-year-old Cyrus and a 21-year-old human black market Xanax pill with face tattoos is no more.
People is reporting that Noah Cyrus and her rapper boyfriend Lil Xan were all over Instagram breaking up with each other. Things apparently got real when Noah tried to be a fun young person and sent her boyfriend a meme. What was the meme, you ask? Oh, it was just a picture of singer Charlie Puth‘s head on a porn star’s body.
Well judging by Noah’s caption, Lil Xan did not take it well. He thought Noah was cheating… on him… with a fake Charlie Puth nudes. This is your brain on drugs….
What did Lil Xan do next? He took to his Instagram story to write: “I feel like I’m probably being cheated on.” And then he broke up with Noah. Noah cried her eyes out on Instagram Live, sobbing about the “confusing” situation:
“I’ll try to explain it more in the next couple of days. …I never did anything that I’m getting accused of.”
Not really sure what Lil Xan is accusing Noah of? Creating some sort of Frankenstein monster using Charlie Puth’s head and a Sean Cody model’s body? I feel like that’s a reason not to break up with someone. Noah continued by giving some decent advice:
“…get away from every fucking person that goes into your life and just crushes it and crumbles it and makes you feel like a piece of fucking shit.”
Wow that’s deep. Lil Xan really had Noah in lurve. But girl, Noah: you should have known that someone who calls himself Lil Xan is not emotionally mature enough for dating. He’s not emotionally mature enough to watch an episode of Grey’s Anatomy.
So we got Noah’s side, what does Lil Xan have to say? Oh girl: a bunch.
On Instagram Live Xan said:
“I’ve just been informed that basically it’s all fake and I’m being used. So fuck it. I guess I was just being used. I thought I was in love but whatever. I’ll take that L. Heartbreak soldier; thanks Noah. Hope the song does well.”
Xan continued: “People love to just hurt me… It just hurts so fucking bad.” He also posted a video which apparently showed him peeing on a plaque to commemorate the success of his song: “Betrayed”.
Lil Xan has purged his Instagram of Noah’s existence but she still has him up on hers. No reps for either of these children are responding with comments. Sigh, this is so sad: I REALLY hope that these two work it out. It feels like just the other day Noah and Lil Xan were gifting Billy Ray a bong. And I’m sure Lil Xan is going to need to smoke a bowl (although, judging by his eyes, it looks like he’s permanently medicated) to deal with the pain he got from punching the home wrecker (aka that fake Charlie Puth nude) who got between him and his true love. I bet Xan’s iPhone screen is fucked up and cracked. He really showed it.