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August 29, 2018 / Posted by:

Sparkling White Grape Jell-O!

If you grew up in an affluent family with a private chef who whipped up a gourmet meal for you every single night, then I’m sure your dinners were regularly made up of a Le Menu entree, a crystal goblet full of Martinelli’s, and the dessert of the rich gods Vienetta. And if your family was extra rich, I’m sure that between courses, you cleansed your palate with Sparkling White Grape Jell-O, the champagne of Jell-O!

According to the commercial below, Jell-O started selling the edible version of canary yellow diamonds in 1998 and it was around until at least the early-aughts. The commercial shows that to make Sparkling White Grape Jell-O, you just have to add soda water. Who knew that something as basic and cheap as soda water could create something so dazzling and opulent that it looks exactly like the yellow jewels Zsa Zsa Gabor used to pee pee into her solid gold toilet. EXACTLY, I’m sure. And now I’m going to pull an excellent transition by mentioning that in the commercial, the woman with refined tastes declares that Sparkling White Grape Jell-O wakes up her tongue.

You know, comparing it to real champagne seems a bit off to me. Sparking White Grape Jell-O is much more rare and special than any champagne out there. Trust. I mean, part of the criteria in a restaurant getting a Michelin star is that it must have vintage Sparkling White Grape Jell-O on the menu or it may as well be a damn Olive Garden.

Pic: Flickr

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