Home Wrecker Hall of Fame Lifetime Inductees Sienna Miller and Angelina Jolie are bowing to their Queen Miranda Lambert today, who is slipping the First Place sash over her shoulder after declaring that less than a week after her boyfriend Evan Felker‘s divorce was finalized, she is “happily single“.
People Magazine was trolling The Tennessean (a publication that hopefully celebrates all things Dolly Parton with a bonus weekly moonshine column) and found this quote from Miranda regarding her current dating status:
“Love is a hard road sometimes and it’s been a roller-coaster ride for me, but I’m definitely thankful for all the ups and downs because I’ve had some really good songs come out of it,” Lambert said. “You’ve got to take the bad parts and put them on paper and then move on to the happy parts.”
So this morning I’m betting that Evan is sitting at his best friend’s kitchen table (he probably didn’t have time to get his own place between dumping his wife Staci Felker and hooking up with Miranda on tour), his face in “deer in the headlights WTF just happened to my life” mode while he shakily drinks coffee and wonders how the shit he got himself into this mess and which way to go next. Five dozen red roses daily and grovelling endless apologies to Staci? Perhaps a stint of booze, cigarettes and regret, telling and re-telling the story at the local dive to anyone who will listen? Only time will tell.
Staci Felker is probably all kinds of amped up fourth grade playground energy hopping around singing “I told you so, I told you so, I told you so!” and hopefully bouncing on all the fresh D she can handle, because, Girl, you deserve it. Go out and get you some!
Meanwhile, Miranda is writing Taylor Swift worthy amounts of songs over the demise of her seven month relationship which we’ll all have the glory of experiencing in a few months, hopefully with the After School Special vibe of music videos that let us re-live all of the Homewrecker drama all over again. Bring on the next CMAs!