Sometimes it feels like there are three people in this relationship: Ariana Grande, Pete Davidson, and Pete’s dick (which doesn’t have a name that I know of, but Grande Peter might work). We already know that Pete’s penis is big enough to generate enough energy to power a small town, and now we’re learning that the power plant in his pants is always operating at maximum-capacity.
People says that Pete spoke at Auburn University’s Welcome Week yesterday, and during a Q&A session with students, he was asked what it’s like to be engaged to Ariana (Ariana was also in the audience). Pete has talked about his engagement before, telling Jimmy Fallon that it’s “so sick” and “fucking lit.” Those wondering about the health of their engagement can rest assured that it’s still extremely sick, and he should probably see a urologist.
“What’s it liked being engaged to Ariana? It’s like what you would think it would be like but like a 100 times sicker. I’m a very, very happy boy who is very, very loved and I’m very lucky. And my dick’s forever hard.”
Ariana congratulated Pete after the appearance in an Instagram Story by writing: “Bae was funny as fuck and brilliant today as always.”
Because Pete’s penis shouldn’t get all the attention today, we’re also talking about Pete’s eyes and butthole. If you knew nothing about Pete Davidson, you might look at his sometimes-sleepy eyes and think “Poor guy is probably exhausted from having a 24-7 boner.” If you were Barstool Sports, you might crack a joke about Pete having “butthole eyes,” a description that sounds like an unreleased Weird Al parody of Bette Davis Eyes. Ariana was quick to jump to her fiancé’s defense by reminding Barstool Sports that Pete has Crohn’s disease.
Ariana Grande vs. Barstool
This should go smoothly.
Only on Twitter. pic.twitter.com/WKE8Nl32In
— pat muldowney (@patmuldowney) August 24, 2018
I don’t understand what makes Barstool Sports think that Pete’s eyes look like buttholes. It makes me want to respond to their question with a question of my own. Has anyone at Barstool Sports ever seen an eyeball staring back at them from inside a butthole? If so, then get that winking butt to a doctor ASAP!