Hot Slut Of The Day!
Bruno, the BBP (big, beautiful pussy) who not only has the charisma and looks of a diva supermodel, but acts like one too. Naomi Campbell, who?!
Seen above is 7-year-old Bruno who is turning out a pose worthy of the cover of Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition and delivering more raw magnetism in his eyes in one picture than the likes of Bella Hadid and Kendall Jenner have delivered through their entire careers. (Although, looking more alive in the eyes than Bella and Kendall isn’t that hard. A Styrofoam peanut looks more alive in the eyes than them and it doesn’t even have eyes!) The 25-pound pillar of chunk, fluff, and star power (don’t fat shame him, he’s on a diet, bitch) is looking for a human who is worthy enough to take care of him. Bruno is currently gracing the Wright-Way Rescue shelter in Morton Grove, IL with his captivating presence after he fired his previous humans for not being good enough to look after him. (Truth talk: Wright-Way Rescue says his old humans turned him in because he didn’t mesh well with their kids. Those humans are every layer of dumb, because when you have a cat like Bruno, you keep him and send your kids to a shelter.)
It takes a special kind of human to take care of a special kind of pussy like Bruno. The pussy who looks like he swallowed a penguin whole has a list of demands that would make even Mariah Carey say, “Calm down, dahling.” Bruno wrote his list of needs on Wright-Way Rescue’s Facebook page. Here’s some of them:
- I usually prefer to lay on the floor or right next to you, but occasionally I like to be a lap-cat.
- I also really like playing with my feather wand toy. Not so much my other toys or scratchers, though.
- I like to be pet on the top of my head and spine only. I know my tummy is so tempting to touch, but I would prefer if you didn’t.
- I like to stand on my hind legs! This usually happens when I want food. No, my foster parents did not teach me this. They are not sure how I learned.
- I love to be pet while I eat. It took my foster mom a little time to realize what I was meowing about, since she had just put food in my bowl. Soon she found out it’s because I want pets while I eats! I will still eat if you don’t pet me, but I will meow more and stare at you for a while.
- I also drink a lot of water. I never drink the water in the kitchen where my food is. I only drink the water that was put in a completely different room. If you have a larger house, perhaps put multiple bowls of water around for me and be sure to give me fresh water at least once day? Yes, I know I am EXTRA.
Honestly, Bruno’s not asking much at all. If he demanded that you need to hand feed him morsels of the underbelly of a wild bluefin tuna while gently petting his head as you wear a cashmere white glove (because he doesn’t want your disgusting human skin touching him) and cooing a lullaby into his ear, he still wouldn’t be asking too much.
And here’s Bruno standing on his hind legs as a way to let us humans know that he’s ready for us to worship at his magnificent paws.
After Bruno’s ad made the internet rounds last week, the applications started pouring in, and Wright-Way said that he’s currently looking at his options:
He has been VERY excited with all of the interest, so he’s taking the time to review all of his adoption applications to see which home he’d like best. He is high maintenance after all! If you haven’t yet, please fill out an online application so he can review over the next week!
I was going to say that Bruno should do a Bachelor-like show where humans compete for the lucky role of being his caretaker, but he is way too good to slum it in reality TV!
Pic: Wright-Way Rescue