Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Doja Cat!

Doja Cat (government name: Amala Zandile Dlamini) is a 22-year-old songwriter, singer, and rapper from South Africa who’s got a full album and an EP out, but the song that will definitely go down as the crown jewel in her music career and get her inducted into next year’s Rock & Roll Hall of Fame class (screw eligibility rules) is Mooo! She released Mooo! on August 10 and it’s already been certified triple 💰 on the internet (that means it’s gone viral). In related news, weed sales dropped 50% across the country, because who needs to get high smoking the good shit when you can get that stoned feeling from watching Doja Cat rap out the words, “Bitch, I’m cow,” while done up like a cow THOT from the 90s.

Doja Cat’s Mooo! starts off with poetically complex lyrics like:

Bitch, I’m a cow
Bitch, I’m a cow
I’m not a cat
I don’t say meow
Bitch, I’m a cow

That is more poignant than anything Taylor Swift has ever written. No sarcasm. Because of lyrics like that, you may think that Mooo! is Doja Cat’s opus and she’s been working on it since almost birth, but surprisingly enough, she tells Fader that she threw the song and video together in less than 12 hours. She started writing the song at 2:30 in the afternoon and finished up the video at 3 in the morning. She got the idea from a cow suit she bought for performances and didn’t think anyone would give one cow shit about it. She was wrong!

I got this costume for an upcoming tour that I’m about to go on in September. I cheat sometimes and I like to wear my costumes beforehand on Live when I make music. I had this top from the costume on and didn’t know what to sing about, but the shirt was so ridiculous that I was like, “Maybe that would be cool if I just made a song about cows.” I thought “Nobody’s gonna care about it.” It’s just funny. It sounded kind of cute. I came up with some mooing harmonies.

The rest of the lyrics are just as amazing, and the first part is what I’m going to rap while ordering from Outback.

Got milk bitch? Got beef? (got beef?)
Got steak ho? Got cheese? (got it)
Grade A ho, not lean (not lean)
Got me A1, sauce please
These heifers got nothin’ on me
Steaks high, need a side of collard greens
Cash rules everything around me (everything around me)
Ice C.R.E.A.M, ice C.R.E.A.M (ice cream)
You a calf bitch, you ma daughter (you ma daughter)
I ain’t bothered (I ain’t bothered)

Doja Cat also raps about eating cow, and before you rim-job loving cows even think of presenting your holes to Doja Cat, she doesn’t mean it like that. She likes eating cheeseburgers and steak. Trick is a cow cannibal! A cannicow, if you will. I didn’t think there was going to be a song of the summer, and then came Doja Cow!

That video really does have everything: anime chichis, 8-bit burgers, Wet ‘N Wild frosted pink lipstick, Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes aesthetics, and a traumatized cow in one of Kim Zolciak’s wigs. That was obviously a cruel joke at the expensive of the cow. Like Kim Zolciak has a wig that looks as natural and luscious as this:

A perfect video ho in a perfect video. Although, my new favorite video ho seems to realize that the star of the show is gonna eat her next.

Pics: YouTube

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