Hot Slut Of The Day!

August 8, 2018 / Posted by:

Ozzy, the Pussy Guardian of Peaches!

If you’re a cat owner, then I’m guessing that right now your beloved pussy is taking delicate tokes of catnip in a dog bones bong while lounging on a scratched-up throne made from pieces of what used to be your sofa inside of a castle of cardboard boxes and Christmas tree parts. That could mean only one thing: it’s an average day of the week, because cats are our future overlords and should be treated as such! But today is an extra extra special day for pussies because it’s International Cat Day! And on this International Cat Day, I’m honoring the Peach King of Pussies!

Ozzy, the peach-loving pussy went viral after Lydia Coutre, the daughter of his humans, tweeted about how her parents regularly document his utter love of peaches. Ozzy’s favorite Barbie is totally Peaches ‘N Cream Barbie, his favorite emoji is definitely the peach emoji, his favorite electro artiste is Peaches, and his theme song has to be Peaches by President of the United States of America. Ozzy IS peachmatized.

The ASPCA says that peaches are toxic to cats (apparently the skin part can give a cat the serious shits), so you may be screaming at a 911 operator to immediately send police to arrest Ozzy’s humans for killing him slowly with peaches! But Lydia says that he doesn’t eat them, he just likes to be their mommy.

I guess some people thought that maybe Lydia had Super Glued Ozzy to a table surrounded by peaches so that he’d get some major social media attention that would lead to an endorsement deal with Del Monte. But Lydia says the pictures weren’t faked.

And while I hate reboots, I so wouldn’t mind an all-pussy reboot of Call Me By Your Name called Purr Me By Your Name starring Ozzy. Although, I’d have to go refill my wine and popcorn during the scene where Ozzy takes his love of peaches to the next level, because seeing a pussy fuck a peach ain’t my kink.

Pic: @LydiaCoutre

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