Go ahead and add Kathleen Turner’s name under Quincy Jones’ and Patti LuPone’s names on the list of people whose feet you want to curl up to and tilt your head as they drop golden nugget after golden nugget into your ear.
Kathleen Turner did an interview with Vulture’s David Marchese, and oh how I wish there was an audio version. Because Kathleen Turner’s sandpaper-wrapped-in-velvet voice would melt the wax in my ears from all the roasting she does. Kathleen starts the flaming right out the gate by torching Elizabeth Taylor, and from there she drags Nicolas Cage, Burt Reynolds, the Friends cast, Trump, and Hollywood-at-large. Kathleen Turner has always been a rose from the Garden of No Fucks To Give, but now she’s really blooming and I love every second of it. Let those tricks have it, Jessica Rabbit!
I do love inhaling the scent of burns wafting off of the tricks who got dragged by Kathleen Turner, but my favorite part of her entertaining-as-hell Vulture interview is this jewel about how unleaded rage fuels her!
What else, aside from luck, has driven your career?
What do you mean?
I’m fuckin’ angry, man.
Same, bitch, same. If you don’t say, “I’m fuckin’ angry, man,” whenever someone asks you how you are, you ain’t living in this world in 2018.
A little of Kathleen Turner’s anger popped out when Elizabeth Taylor was brought up. Both Kathleen and Elizabeth have played Maggie in Cat on a Hot Tin Roof and Martha in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? Kathleen said Elizabeth’s voice is all wrong for those parts, and she feels like half of her career has been spent on righting Liz’s wrongs.
No. She has a bad voice, badly used. In any case, people are after me all the time to do Sweet Bird of Youth, and I’m like, “Enough Taylor shit!”
If ghosts are real and can shit, then Kathleen Turner should expect to find a bag of shit on her doorstep. And as she hurls, the cackle of Elizabeth Taylor’s ghost will be heard in the distance.
Kathleen then went in on Nicolas Cage when David asked what she thought of the weird voice he did in Peggy Sue Got Married.
It was tough to not say, “Cut it out.” But it wasn’t my job to say to another actor what he should or shouldn’t do. So I went to [director] Francis [Ford Coppola]. I asked him, “You approved this choice?” It was very touchy. He [Nicolas Cage] was very difficult on set. But the director allowed what Nicolas wanted to do with his role, so I wasn’t in a position to do much except play with what I’d been given. If anything, it [Cage’s portrayal] only further illustrated my character’s disillusionment with the past. The way I saw it was, yeah, he was that asshole.
As for if Nicolas Cage himself or his character was the asshole, Kathleen let out this life motto:
Listen, I made it work, honey.
She also made it work, honey, with Burt Reynolds, but she almost didn’t after he spoonfed her a dose of sexist ass pimple pus.
Working with Burt Reynolds was terrible. The first day Burt came in he made me cry. He said something about not taking second place to a woman. His behavior was shocking. It never occurred to me that I wasn’t someone’s equal.
Speaking of a sexist ass pimple pus, Kathleen has met Donald Trump before, and it felt like he pretty much raped her wrist and made her want to stick her hand in a garbage disposal to cleanse herself of the ick.
He goes to shake your hand and with his index finger kind of rubs the inside of your wrist. He’s trying to do some kind of seductive intimacy move. You pull your hand away and go yuck.
Kathleen played Chandler Bing’s drag queen father on Friends, and she didn’t exactly get a warm welcome from the cast. She said that the cast was a clique and anybody on the outside really didn’t matter to them. David asked for her thoughts on their acting skills and well…
I won’t comment on that.
You can read the entire interview here. She gets into a lot more, like more sexism in Hollywood, how rheumatoid arthritis messed with her career, and how Jack Nicholson, Michael Douglas, and Warren Beatty had a contest to see who would do her first (none of them won).
And because Kathleen Turner is a Patron Saint of Telling Shit Like It Is, she left us with a blind item. Kathleen told David that she learned early on that she’d rather be a good actress than be liked by audiences. David asked her if she sympathizes with actors who choose to be liked.
I’ll give you an example, but you mustn’t include her name. [Very famous Hollywood actress] has played the same role for 20 years. She even looks pretty much the same. She’s probably one of the richest women out there, but I would shoot myself if I were like that, only giving people what they expect.
That could be many, many actresses, but if I had to guess, I’d say that Julia Roberts can sit back and bask in the glory of being slammed by Kathleen Turner. Someone should really send Julia a t-shirt that reads: Kathleen Turner would rather shoot herself than be me.