Archives: July 2018
Hot Slut Of The Day!
Miss Helen, the poor shark who was sharknapped by three wrecks at the San Antonio Aquarium!
Netflix churns out approximately 245 true crime documentaries a minute, and while I do watch every single one of them, the one I’m really waiting for is: The Snatching Of Miss Helen. The Washington Post says that on Saturday, two men, one woman, and a human baby went to the San Antonio Aquarium with the goal of stealing a 16-inch-long horn shark named Miss Helen. It’s obvious why they targeted Miss Helen. Any shark named after Helen Lawson from Valley of the Dolls (or Helen Mirren, or Helen Grace) is a priceless treasure. (WaPo claims Miss Helen is worth $2,000.)
Birthday Sluts
J.K. Rowling (53)
Rico Rodriguez (20)
Lil Uzi Vert (24)
Victoria Azarenka (29)
Alexis Knapp (29)
Zelda Williams (29)
Charlie Carver (30)
B.J. Novak (39)
Zac Brown (40)
Will Champion (40)
Annie Parisse (43)
Eve Best (47)
Ben Chaplin (49)
Dean Cain (52)
Wesley Snipes (56)
Mark Cuban (60)
Michael Biehn (62)
Geraldine Chaplin (74)
France Nuyen (79)
Don Murray (89)
Richard Griffiths (1947-2013)
Pic: Wenn.com
Night Crumbs
43-year-old Leonardo DiCaprio brought his 21-year-old girlfriend of the moment (on the right) and her 42-year-old mom (on the left) to St. Tropez with him. I hear you hating bitches snickering over Leo’s girlfriend bringing a guardian on her field trip, but it’s actually very thoughtful of him letting her bring her mom. Because at least she’ll have a grown up to take her home if he spots a younger model piece in St. Tropez and dumps her. Also, it’s a miracle that Leo is that close to an over-25-vagina and didn’t pass out from heaving so much. Although, I bet his bro-in-waiting Lukas Haas is standing behind him with open arms just in case he gets the faints… – Lainey Gossip
A Republican politician type is into some dark-sided Bigfoot fanfic porn, and in a shocking twist, it’s not Ted Cruz – Celebitchy
And I think we should all sue Jim Bellino for causing us physical ailments by making us roll our eyes out of their sockets while reading about his frivolous lawsuits – Reality Tea
The good news is that us gays just filled the air with loads of glitter by farting with excitement over the return of Robyn. The better news is that her new look is very Melanie Griffith in Working Girl – Towleroad
Alex Trebek Might Quit “Jeopardy” In 2020 And Has Ideas For His Successor
For as long as I can remember, after-school activities included a snack, lying to my mom that I did my homework, and really getting my brain and ass handed to me trying to answer along to Jeopardy and that smug host Alex Trebek. Even now, I lie to my boss that I finished all my work, go home, make a snack and try to guess along as though I have the faintest idea as to what the capitals of Eastern Europe are. Hell, I can’t even tell you the capital of East Carolina is. Yes, I know that isn’t a state. Just wanted to see if you were still with me. Anyway, Alex has been at that podium for years pretending to give a shit about the hobbies of contestants are, and he’s ready for a new gig or just days spent without having to ask a trivia question. His contract is up in 2020, and he’s hinted he may not re-up.
Danielle Staub’s New Marriage Is Already On The Rocks
If you hear a banshee cackle across Greater Los Angeles today, it’s Kris Jennerwriting up new plotlines for Keeping Up With The Kardashians, per usual. If you hear TWO banshee cackles, it’s because Kim Kardashian may no longer be the reality TV trick with the shortest marriage. I hope you are sitting down for the latest case in “True Love Doesn’t Exist.” It appears that after two months of wedded…uh…opposite-of-bliss, Danielle Staub and new hubby Marty Caffrey are squabbling, and he even blabbed he wanted a divorce! Continue reading
Chris Pratt And Katherine Schwarzenegger Made It Official With A Public Kiss
The moment I’m sure everyone (or at least Chris Pratt’s publicist) has been waiting for has arrived. TMZ points out that Chris Pratt confirmed yesterday that he’s getting with Arnold’s daughter, by kissing Katherine Schwarzenegger in front of the paps after church. Publicity and Jesus? I believe that’s very on-brand for Chris.
Chris and Katherine have been rumored to be dating for a little over a month now, but the most we’ve seen of them has been kind of limited to cheesy G-rated picnics in the park. They’re still bring the G-rated heat, but this time lip contact is involved, and so is his kid. Chris and Katherine were photographed kissing while getting ice cream with his 5-year-old son Jack.
Chris Pratt & Katherine Schwarzenegger Kiss After Church with Son Jack Nearby https://t.co/rkpWf9ByQ7
— TMZ (@TMZ) July 30, 2018
TMZ says that 39-year-old Chris and 28-year-old Katherine kissed twice. Personally, I wish TMZ had provided us with actual journalism, like what kind of ice cream did they get. When I was a kid, I knew one family who restricted any Sunday activity that didn’t relate to church. So they’d make pizza, but it had to be in the shape of a cross and whatnot. So basically, what I want to know is: did Chris get Blood of Christ Cranberry Swirl with crunchy body wafer topping, or just sacrilegious ol’ chocolate. These are the important questions.
Pic: Wenn.com