Archives: July 2018

Birthday Sluts

July 15, 2018 / Posted by:

Brigitte Nielsen (55)
Olly Alexander (28)
Tristan Wilds (29)
Taylor Kinney (37)
Laura Benanti (39)
Travis Fimmel (39)
Lana Parrilla (41)
Ray Toro (41)
Gabriel Iglesias (42)
Diane Kruger (42)
Jim Jones (42)
Evan Marriott aka Joe Millionaire (44)
Brian Austin Green (45)
Scott Foley (46)
Beth Ostrosky Stern (46)
Eddie Griffin (50)
Adam Savage (51)
Shari Headley (54)
Lolita Davidovich (57)
Forest Whitaker (57)
Kim Alexis (58)
Willie Aames (58)
Alicia Bridges (65)
Terry O’Quinn (66)
Arianna Huffington (68)
Linda Ronstadt (72)
Millie Jackson (74)
Jan-Michael Vincent (74)



Open Post: Hosted By High-Heel Crocs

July 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Now I know PRECISELY what to get Michael K for his born day! Some fashion-forward individual at the Crocs company came up with the brilliant idea to make the sexiest shoe around even sexier. Behold, high-heel crocs! Your naughty nurse fantasy just got more fap-worthy!

Called “The Cyprus Heel,” the new Croc with a high heel and an open toe is now on sale on Amazon. The shoe comes in black, white, pink, and leopard. It sells for $80 to $225. (Note: If you know someone paying $200 for high-heeled Crocs, you need to divorce/reject/leave/commit them.)

AJC reports that the latest innovation in ugly has hopefully actually caught fire on social media.

As you may know, Balenciaga is selling their version of platform Crocs from HELL for $850.  Pull the plug, universal deity, it’s time.

Pic: Amazon


Chuck E. Cheese Held Their Own Build-A-Bear “Pay Your Age” Apocalypse

July 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Not since the Fyre Festival (aka Lord of the Flies for douchebags), has #Murica seen a cash-grab disaster on the scale of Build-A-Bear’s “Pay Your Age” promotion on Thursday. The scariest store at the mall (it’s like stuffed animal vivisection in reverse) let parents pay the amount of their childrens’ ages for their bears. It didn’t go so well. Insanely long lines, an inadequate supply of bears, and thousands of screaming children led Build-A-Bear to cancel mid-promo. It almost led to riots and definitely led to some really angry moms squawking on social media. The marketing people at Chuck E. Cheese must subscribe to that old adage that any press is good press because they held their own “Pay Your Age” promotion the next day. Are they not aware that, once ripped out of their moorings, those animatronic rats can make for lethal weapons?

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Kate Upton Is Pregnant

July 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Kate Upton‘s magnificent chichis are about to become even more magnificent, because she’s pregnant with her first child. The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit model and person I always confuse for that hot messy mess Estella Warren, has confirmed via Instagram that she is indeed knocked up.

#PregnantinMiami @justinverlander 🌞❤️

A post shared by Kate Upton (@kateupton) on

Kate’s husband of eight months, Houston Astro pitcher Justin Verlander will be the chosen man hitting a Jack In The Box at 3AM for disgusting Monster Tacos cravings, which will serve as a good test run for future 3AM zombie crawls down their mansion’s hallways to change the baby’s diaper and beg, cry and plead for it to go back to sleep.

E! News offers this opposite of juicy tidbit on said timing of the future chichi sucker’s arrival:

Upton and Verlander got married got married in Italy last November, days after his team won the 2017 MLB World Series.

Upton may have hinted at her pregnancy back in April, when she posted on Instagram a shadowy photo of herself posing in the desert on a trip to Israel, writing, “You’ll find out soon enough.”

I’m no mathematician, but my finger counting puts the little cry machine here around the end of this year. Kate and Jason strike me as one shade of bland beyond boring of a couple, so unless Kate decides to call out any more skeezy old men for being perverts, we sadly probably can’t expect much more salacious news until junior arrives. Until then, I’m sure everyone will be on Titty Watch 2018.



Ariana Grande Got Another Pete Davidson Tattoo

July 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Page Six reports that Ariana Grande has been spotted with her sixth and newest Pete Davisdon tattoo since the couple hooked up two months and began their nauseating TMI and tattoo crime spree. How do we know that Ariana’s new tattoo is a direct homage to her fiancee? It’s his 10 inch dick curling around her face. No, but it is his second most defining characteristic, and that’s the word “Pete” on her marrying finger. Continue reading

Billy Bush’s Wife Filed For Divorce

July 14, 2018 / Posted by:

Yammering pair of GAP jeans Billy Bush struck a blow for womankind when he only pretended to laugh at our future president’s comments about grabbing pussies without permission during an Access Hollywood bus jaunt over a decade ago. You see, he figured if he encouraged the lying bag of farts, the lying bag of farts would make with more of the creeper talk, ruining any future hopes of becoming POTUS! *crickets* Yeah, Billy Bush’s wife Sydney didn’t buy that either. TMZ reports that she’s filed for divorce, citing “irreconcilable differences.” That’s because you can’t write “I have a vagina, I listened to that tape, you do the math, Your Honor.” on the form.

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