Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 31, 2018 / Posted by:

Miss Helen, the poor shark who was sharknapped by three wrecks at the San Antonio Aquarium!

Netflix churns out approximately 245 true crime documentaries a minute, and while I do watch every single one of them, the one I’m really waiting for is: The Snatching Of Miss Helen. The Washington Post says that on Saturday, two men, one woman, and a human baby went to the San Antonio Aquarium with the goal of stealing a 16-inch-long horn shark named Miss Helen. It’s obvious why they targeted Miss Helen. Any shark named after Helen Lawson from Valley of the Dolls (or Helen Mirren, or Helen Grace) is a priceless treasure. (WaPo claims Miss Helen is worth $2,000.)

The shark thieves wandered around the aquarium before going to the interactive shark touch pool with a stroller. They lingered for a bit and waited for an employee to leave the area before grabbing Miss Helen.

The aquarium said in a Facebook post that Ocean’s 8 Puddle’s 3 then went into a backroom with Miss Helen where they found a bucket half full of bleach (to clean tools) and dumped it into the filtration system, which affected other tanks. They used the bucket and the stroller to wheel Miss Helen out of the building and into the parking lot where they made their grand escape. They were able to stroll right out of that bitch without one person stopping and saying, “Awww, what an adorable baby…. who doesn’t have a nose… has fins instead of legs… and is gasping for air. Did you happen to eat a lot of sushi during your pregnancy? OH GOD OH GOD WHY DID YOUR BABY JUST BITE MY FINGER OFF?!!!

It took the aquarium a full 45 minutes before anyone realized Miss Helen was gone. The police were called. Leon Valley Police Chief Joseph Salvaggio told MySanAntonio that after they released surveillance footage of the shark caper, the tips came in and those tips helped to lead them to Miss Helen. The getaway truck’s license plate was also caught on camera. On Monday, they found her in the home of a suspect who had a giant aquarium in his house.

“When the suspect came home, he gave us consent to go in the house,” Salvaggio said. “He took us right to where the shark was and pointed (her) out.

“Initially they were going to show us an old receipt for this type of shark, but it was obviously doctored and the gig was up,” Salvaggio said.

Salvaggio said authorities were surprised to find that the man had an entire aquarium at this home. “There were different marine animals. (He) very much knew what he was doing and kept that animal alive, and was able to continue seeing that animal thrive, which was pretty shocking.”

The suspect is facing a theft charge, and his co-thieves are also facing charges. The police believe the dude took Miss Helen because he wanted a shark as a pet, but the aquarium owner says he was trying to sell her on Facebook.

Miss Helen is back at the aquarium and is in good condition so far. They’re watching her, because they say symptoms of stress can show up later.

Of course Miss Helen is stressed. I’m no shark scientist and I can tell you that. Miss Helen has been. through. it. First of all, she has to deal with the ugly, dirty hands of humans petting her without permission. Second of all, she gets kidnapped by some turd-brained morons who take her on a ride in a stupid truck before putting her in their dumb house. The aquarium should send Miss Helen to a spa for the rest of her life where she can luxuriously lounge while being fin-fed shrimp by a harem of hot horn sharks.

On another note, the stunts Jason Statham will pull to promote The Meg…..

Pic: San Antonio Aquarium

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