Karlie Kloss Got Engaged To The Non-Evil Kushner

July 24, 2018 / Posted by:

Sigh, I guess I’ll have to stop writing my Taylor SwiftKarlie Kloss lesbian fan fiction account on LiveJournal. Oh, who am I kidding? I saw Carol – I don’t have to stop shit! Karlie has been dating Joshua Kushner, the tree-hugging, healthcare-providing Kushner that is the brother of Jared Kushner, the husband of Ivanka Trump who also works in the White House. Yes, but will Taylor be in the wedding party or, the horror, even get an invite?!

People says Karlie and Joshua got engaged in upstate New York a few weeks ago after being together for over six years. There’s the usual nonsense of how “overjoyed” and “happy” they both are, and Karlie and Joshua both confirmed that shit on Instagram because you can’t get married as a millennial unless there have been at least 500 social media posts about it:

fiancé ❤️

A post shared by Joshua Kushner (@joshuakushner) on

I’m sure that post that looks like a watch ad really chapped Taylor’s ass since Karlie normally never posts about Joshua OR her, and now this chump is upstaging her ass in the middle of her all-about-my-snake-ass world tour (also known as the Reputation tour).

Karlie and Joshua are known as the Jared and Ivanka who still get invited to dinner parties around NYC. While Karlie may have voted for Hillary Clinton in the 2016 election and Ivanka, well, was willing to sacrifice her shoe line just to get her dad in the White House, those two still had to do one thing in common to get their name in that Kushner will. A source said that, just like Ivanka, Karlie converted to Judaism in order to take things to the next level. The same snitch said “she’s never been one to make decisions lightly,” but who even thinks that’s a tough thing to consider?! First of all, Jewish people get 8 days of presents while I only get 1 day. And I wouldn’t have to think twice about converting since I would host a conversion party where all we did was drink Manischewitz wine and listen to the Yentl soundtrack. That’s how I spend any Saturday night anyway, but whatever.

Pic: Instagram

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