The most musically-talented Real Housewife to ever grace Andy Cohen’s rich white lady minstrel shows, Luann de Lesseps, isn’t going to do any hard time in the clink. Shocking. Congrats Luann, I don’t think you could have lasted in a women’s correctional. Those cheek bones may help you serve LEWKS in the New York social scene, but mama they woulda been serving YOU in lock up.
TMZ reports that Luann done cut herself a deal. You’ll remember that back on Christmas Eve, Luann was out delivering presents to the good little boys and girls and got a little bit wasted. When the police went over to investigate why Santa Luann was driving her sleigh on the sidewalk they found her smelling of some heavily spiked egg nog. The police arrested former-Countess Luann and she was PISSED. So pissed she allegedly attacked one of the cops. And she definitely made some threats to him, which all captured on video.
She has pled guilty to 3 charges total, but luckily for her she dodged any pesky felony charges, meaning no jail time. Looks like being a former-countess still grants you a couple special privileges. Luann will add to her resume: battery, trespassing and disorderly intoxication. She’ll also be on probation for a year and will have to do a total of 50 community service hours and attend two AA meetings a week. Luann, who went off to rehab last week, can’t drink alcohol or do any drugs and will be randomly tested. On top of all of this, the court also made her write a letter apologizing to the cop she attacked. I’m sure it was incredibly heartfelt. She likely handed him a Post-It saying: “Dear Officer, Sorry for hitting you. But you should feel blessed that my upper-class hand touched your working-class body. Sincerely
I’m also excited to see what they give Luann to do for community service. She could teach the peasants the difference between dinner and dessert forks? Or she could help commoners learn the difference between couture and ready-to-wear? Or she could even help the underprivileged learn how to set a table for 30? Honestly, Luann’s potential contributions to society are endless!