OooooOooooOooooo, I Wanna Beat You Up! 

July 23, 2018 / Posted by:

The 12-year-old me who humped a pillow in the bathroom while looking at shirtless pictures in Bop! Magazine of the Big Lots version of Vanilla Ice named Bryan Abrams from Color Me Badd is requesting privacy during this difficult time. This story and mug shot has caused 12-year-old me to put the pillow away and cry in a fetal position on the bathroom floor.

In the 90s, Bryan Abrams was known as the pretty-faced boy band crooner with an A+++ overplucked eyebrow situation, and recently he’s been known as an angry ball of rage who beats ladies instead of making them drown their coochies in panty pudding. And when it comes to being a crazy mound of rage, to the tick tock, he don’t stop.

TMZ says that Bryan was arrested last night in Tyre, New York after he pushed fellow original Color Me Badder Mark Calderon at del Lago Casino during a show. When Color Me Badd got finished with doing I Wanna Sex You Up, Bryan did a really unsexy thing (unless you’re into middle-aged rough trade porn) by shoving Mark before leaving the stage. This is why you should never trust a dude with a goatee that that looks like a battered cowboy hat.

Mark got a little messed up because he hit some sound equipment before hitting the floor. He was taken to the hospital to be treated for neck and back pain as Bryan was taken down to the police station on a misdemeanor assault charge. His bail was set for $2,000.

Mark tells The Blast that Bryan got boozed up before the show, and during CMB’s first song All 4 Love, he missed words and slur sang. Bryan checked out for the rest of the show and Mark handled all the songs himself. Bryan came back at the end to bust out some rage on Mark before screaming, “I’m motherfucking Color Me Badd.”

Mark blames it all on the alcohol, and says that Bryan needs to go to rehab, because booze has become a problem. Mark is out of the hospital and is fine, but hasn’t talked to Bryan. They’re supposed to perform this weekend, but who knows if that’s going to happen.

It’s a miracle that Color Me Badd is down to two members and is still getting paid to perform in shows in 2018. Dreadful IS Bryan Abrams looking like a Guy Fieri Jack-O-Lantern. Really dreadful IS Bryan Abrams not maintaining his flawlessly razor sharp brows from the 90s. And really really dreadful IS Bryan Abrams messing with an easy check by acting a violent wreck. I was going to say how the mighty have fallen, but don’t you have to be mighty in the first place for that saying to make any sense?

Pic: Seneca County Sheriff’s Office

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