There’s a new Duggar baby in the world. No don’t worry, Michelle Duggar’s vagina didn’t plop out a hundredth baby while gasping for nutrients and care; it was one of her children who gave birth.
People is reporting that Jinger Duggar–now Jinger Vuolo– gave birth to her first (of likely many) child with husband 30-year-old Jeremy Vuolo. The 24-year-old gave birth to a girl who they named Felicity Nicole Vuolo. Okay, what the fuck? No J name for Jesus? How will Jesus know where to find her when it’s time for the rapture?
Jeremy gave the following statement to People:
“God is so kind. Both mom and baby are healthy, doing great, and resting well. We are very thankful for her safe arrival and look forward to life as parents!”
The two got married in November 2016 and announced at the beginning of this year that blessed be the fruit in Jinger’s womb:
“The past fourteen months have been the best of our lives as we have had the wonderful privilege of beginning our journey through life together in marriage. We both looked forward to the joys of marriage but neither one of us fully understood just how amazing the start of this journey would be. Truly, the Lord’s mercies are new every morning! Now, the journey has taken an exciting turn: we are expecting our first child. We are praising God for this beautiful gift and ask that you join us in praying for a safe and healthy pregnancy.”
Jeremy hopes that the child takes after Jinger:
“I am praying that the baby will look like, act like, talk like, be like Jinger, and so I’ve asked everyone else to pray as well. I was a little terror as a child, so I’m hoping that the little one will be as much like Jinger as possible.”
Jinger felt the opposite:
“I hope that the baby will be like Jeremy. He’s just very kind and gracious.”
I hope the baby ends up being nothing like either of you. I hope she’s a short-haired, dark makeup-wearing, rock music-listening, black magic-casting goth chick who demands to go to public school and writes a Duggar family tell-all.