Hot Slut Of The Day!

July 17, 2018 / Posted by:

Moses, the tortoise who is desperately in love with a lawnmower!

Romeo and Juliet, Rhett and Scarlett, Jack and Rose from Titanic, and Tony and Maria from West Side Story can stop whining from beyond the grave about their doomed love affairs, because at least they were in love with another living thing. Poor Moses has it bad for a lawnmower, a lawnmower that is being kept away by a human from him, giving them only a few fleeting moments of togetherness. This story of Moses and the lawnmower is my favorite love story between a wrinkled old creature and an inanimate object since Geoffrey and Brynne Edelsten.

According to the YouTube description, whenever hot human Jimbo Creppel (who is my favorite The Beverly Hillbillies character who never was) mows the lawn, Moses goes after the lawnmower with the speed of a stoned toddler with arm and leg cramps (read: the fastest a tortoise has ever gone) and sometimes he’s lucky enough to mount his soulmate and go for a ride.

My father, Jimbo Creppel, cutting the grass in our backyard while our African Spurred Tortoise, Moses, chases him! Eventually Moses catches up sometimes and climbs on top of the lawnmower until someone moves him or he feels like moving!

Sadly, the clip posted doesn’t have a happy ending. It shows Moses desperately chasing after his lawnmower love, only to be left with a case of tortoise blue balls. This is pretty much the story of my entire sex life, so thank you for that, Moses.

And if TLC knew what the people want, it’d bring us a show called: I’m A Tortoise And I’m In Love With A Lawnmower. 

Pic: YouTube

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