It’s time to dose yourself in baby powder and shimmy into your black rubber pants, because Kat Von D has just dropped the goth spectacular wedding video that no one knew they asked for. Kat and Rafael Reyes (AKA Leafar Seyer because it’s beyond edgy to spell your name backwards) already chained themselves together for eternity back in February, but there wasn’t enough angst and darkness in their first wedding, so they decided to have a do over in June. Hold onto your crucifixes, because here come the wedding details and they’re just as you’d expect.
Kat wore a vagina inspired red dress that proved she really should have been marrying Tom Cruise as Lestat from Interview With A Vampire instead. The theme was “En Vida y en muerte” (in life and in death).
The ceremony was officiated by Satan and dinner consisted of a sacrificial goat splayed out on a pentagram. No, there was no officiant and no bridal party except for two red latex clad bridesmaids who contorted-escorted Kat to the stage where she met Rafael (I can’t with Lefear), who was wearing a black veil and his omnipresent sunglasses looking very Spy Vs. Spy. And of course there was no sacrificial goat because the entire menu was vegan. In case you missed it, Kat follows the Smiths principal that “Meat Is Murder” and would sooner vaccinate her unborn baby than have any meat other than Rafael’s Tofurkey hotdog pass between her lips.
Aside from virgin sacrifices or an orgy involving a gimp or two, the event pretty much ticked all the goth boxes including: skulls, clusters of red wax dripping candles, black smoking cocktails, red lights, vows including anecdotes of being arrested, and a room full of tattooed black glad goths who managed to both cry and laugh during the ceremony.
Kat may be The Mistress of The Dark Junior (she wishes, but there will only ever be one Elvira!), but it might as well be the wedding of any regular old square for how vomit- inducingly sweet and loved up Kat is: she even played a song on the piano for her man. Goths. They’re just like us. Body language experts are probably having a field day interpreting his constant sunglasses and the way that she keeps turning to look at him while he deadpans ahead. Is he just trying to keep it all together, or is he part of the “Treat ’em mean, keep ‘ em keen” school?
I give them a solid B- for their goth wedding style. If they really wanted to go for that A+++ (extra credit) and create a spooky theme for their wedding they should have just invited all of Kat’s exes. Nothing would cause as much terror as being stuck at an assigned seating table with Steve O, Tom Green, Jesse James and Deadmau5.
Here’s the 28 minute video if you’re still hanging out for more details: