After much initial secrecy, a dramatic live TV pregnancy reveal, and a half-naked Rolling Stone cover, the day has finally come. Cardi B and her not-so-secret husband Offset are parents of a baby girl. TMZ says it happened last night at an Atlanta, Georgia hospital. They don’t say what the birth was like, so it’s up to me to interpret what happened. And of course I’m picturing the hospital halls being filled with the sounds Cardi busting out some Lamaze-style breathing techniques mixed with vocal trills, while Offset shouts random ad-libs like “Baby,” “Crowning,” and “That’s a lotta goo.”
This is 25-year-old Cardi’s first child, while 26-year-old Offset also has two sons, Jordan and Kody, and a daughter Kalea from previous relationships. Cardi confirmed the news herself on Instagram with picture from what appears to be Beyoncé’s pregnancy photo shoot (minus the clothing budget), and let everyone know the baby’s birth date and the baby’s name. Please welcome to the world, little Kulture Kiari Cephus.
To decode that name a little, Kiari is is Offset’s first name and Cephus is his last name (Kiari Kendrell Cephus). Kulture is…who even knows. It could be Cardi’s way of paying homage to Offset’s rap group Migos, whose second and third album were titled Culture and Culture II. Or maybe it’s not even pronounced like culture, but Koal-tyure, like couture. Nope, it’s probably just straight-up Kulture. Whatever the reason or pronunciation behind it, you know the Kardashians are mad as hell and have already spoken to their lawyers. There goes the perfect name for a yogurt brand launch, and just think of the tasteless, semen-y looking ad campaign that could have been.