THE QUEEN Is Back At Work After Missing Her Great-Grandson’s Baptism 

July 10, 2018 / Posted by:

Most of them are staring up at the sky, because above them is a plane carrying a banner that reads: Sorry, Meghan, But Kate’s Dress Sold Out Before Yours. That explains why Duchess Kate is lighting up in the face like, “Check that, bitch, I’ve still got it!

THE QUEEN wasn’t at her great-grandson Prince Louis’ hazing Christian ceremony yesterday, because well, she’s 92 years old and is tired of sleeping with her eyes open at yet another boring ass baptism. (Even the star of the show, Prince Louis, didn’t stay awake for that bore fest.) But THE QUEEN was back out there today at the 100th birthday celebrations of the Royal Air Force. THE QUEEN and the other ones (I cropped Princess Michael of Kunt out of that top pic because she’s Princess Michael of Kunt) took to the balcony of Buckingham Palace today to watch the RAF centenary, which she didn’t strain her royal neck to see, because she’ll watch it later on YouTube while getting drunk on sloe gin fizzes with her man.

As for what really matters, WHAT KATE AND MEGHAN WORE, they had a beige shoe-off. But Duchess Kate paired her bland heels with a dress that’s so boring that even Duchess Camilla rejected it after it put her to sleep. Duchess Meghan paired her bland heels with what many are calling an Audrey Hepburn-esque dress (insert AudreyHepburnSideEye.jpg here). I’m not getting Audrey Hepburn, but I am getting Bette Davis in All About Eve. If Duchess Meghan doesn’t wear that dress later and grab a martini before transforming her royal accent into a Bette Davis accent while saying, “Fasten your seatbelt, it’s going to be a bumpy fuck,” as she jumps on Prince Hot Ginge, what is she even doing with her life?

It’s honestly hard for me to focus on their looks when my b-hole is busy crooning out, “Love lift us up where we beeeeeeelong,” over PHG’s Officer and a Gentleginge hotness.

Princess Charlotte and Prince George didn’t get to watch from the balcony. They watched from some window where they cheesed it up. At least two members of the royal family know how to really entertain their subjects. Speaking of entertaining the peasants, at her baby brother’s christening yesterday, Princess Charlotte became one of my favorite royals when she went all, “You can’t sit with us,” on the photographers.

As much as I love that sass she’s serving up, I don’t think anyone wants to go to a British royal christening party where we won’t see THE QUEEN spit up her piece of 7-year-old cake into her pocketbook.


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