Starbucks Is Ditching Those Green Plastic Straws

July 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Good weaves may come and go, but a green straw to slurp down a Trenta Unicorn Frappuccino from Starbucks has been a major constant in the life of Britney Spears. But now Big Coffee is trying to take it away! What’s she supposed to do now? Huff her morning Frapp? Actually, that’s not a bad idea.

CNN says the only plastic in a Starbucks come 2020 will be the fake smile on the face of your barista when you give your order for a vegan, no whip, half foam latte. The move comes amid a greater push by cities and companies around the world to cut the straw shit since it’s bad for the environment. Starbucks was a particularly nasty offender, generating over a billion plastic straws each year. Some of you may be wondering what we’re going to do if we don’t have those straws, and, unfortunately, Starbucks really missed the mark here by not offering up a Pike’s Place Roast IV as a straw alternative. Instead, they’re going about it two ways.

The company has already committed $10 million to come up with a compostable, recyclable cup for hot drinks.  As for slurping down the beverage, users will have two options: Frappuccino drinks will get straws made from paper or compostable plastic. Other drinks will go from a flat lid to ones with a raised lid that you can sip from – you know, the ones they have at Dunkin’ Donuts to make themselves feel better for that Mother Earth-murdering Styrofoam cup they snap on top of! The new tops (teehee) will render straws obsolete since you’ll be sucking right from the cup.

However, for people who still need a straw, the compostable straws will be available “upon request.” That’s good. I was beginning to worry my barista was going to lose out on a good opportunity to be haughty from this, and I’m happy he’ll be able to roll his eyes and tell me “no, save the turtles, kween” when I ask for a straw each morning come 2020.

Pic: Wenn.com

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