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July 9, 2018 / Posted by:

Pocket Locker!

This is a depressing and tragic post for a Monday morning, and if Dlisted’s budget wasn’t worth a used-during-ass-sex condom and a broken Juicero, I’d send all of you a Xanax via drone. Prepare to be filled to the top with the sads over this sentence: girls today use iPhones or Androids or whatever to keep track of shit instead of a Pocket Locker. I know, what has become of this world?

For a minute in the 1990s, Sharp sold a Palm Pilot-like thing that was marketed toward girls and it was an organizer that kept track of birthdays, telephone numbers, important appointments (don’t laugh, bitch, every appointment to a tween is important) and their inner most secrets. This is how Sharp described that too-technologically-advanced-for-the-90s life saver:

You can’t control your hair and certainly can’t control your parental units. But you can control your life – with Pocket Locker! The new electronic Teen Organizer from Sharp. If you’ve got a life, get this!

I never got that, because I don’t have a life now and I certainly didn’t have a life then.

How sad! I mean, nowadays teen girls are running around with uncontrollable hair looking a mess and it’s all because they don’t have a Pocket Locker. Sharp, please bring the Pocket Locker back, so that teen girls can get their hair in check again. Follicles are depending on it!

Pic: Mom.me

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