For the good folks of Rhode Island, you can always tell it’s the Fourth of July by illegal fireworks, the crunch of Narragansett beer cans against doofy bros’ foreheads, and the steady stream of models pouting their way up the hill to Taylor Swift’s waterfront mansion for her annual Taymerica party. But for the SECOND year in a row, Taylor has shat on the soul of America by ditching the annual Squad Fourth of July Spectacular. Instead, she just flopped around on a beach in the Caribbean with that British boy she’s been dating.
People says Taylor and boyfriend Joe Alwyn had a party for two in Turks and Caicos. Taylor took a break from her Reputation tour, and Joe took a break from his reverse Duchess Meghan play of acting before the rich-ass significant other finally puts a ring on it and wipes away every last shred of financial anxiety. Even though Taylor and Joe have never really made it official, an onlooker said they looked “lovey-dovey,” which probably is just the local phrase for “I heard her tell him she wouldn’t write a break-up song about him.” See for yourself, but either Taylor gets lovey-dovey by topping Joe (the mark of any true romance, really) or they’re just really into Flipper roleplay:
— billboard (@billboard) July 6, 2018
Not all shreds of being a Yankee Doodle Dandy were lost on our dear Tay Tay. She was also seen sporting what appears to have been a red, white, and blue two-piece bathing suit (egad!) from the Ethel Kennedy collection:
— Celebrity Hotness (@celebrityhotty) July 6, 2018
If you look really closely, the bikini says, “Models aren’t invited back to my house since that bitch Karlie Kloss shoved Meowing Meredith Grey in the mailbox.” No it doesn’t, but we can dream, right? It’s a holiday week!