On nearly every Fourth of July for over a decade, Joey Chestnut has been my idol, because he gets to open up his mouth and gobble down wiener after wiener. I can’t even get one wiener to want to be gobbled down by me and Joey Chestnut can get dozens.
On Coney Island in New York today, the annual Look Starving People Of The World, In America We Eat For Fun Contest (aka Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest) went down, and since Joey Chestnut has the bowels of an industrial-strength InSinkErator, he won again. Joey won his 11th title, and since 2007, he’s only lost once to Matt Stonie. At first, judges counted 64 wieners and buns going down Joey’s throat, but I guess he’s just too quick for them, because they forgot to count one whole plate. Joey actually deep-throated 74 hot dogs in 10 minutes, beating the world record he set last year with 72.
On the women’s side, Miko Sudo won for the fifth year in a row by swallowing 37 franks and buns. My favorite mega eater of all-time, Sonya “The Black Widow” Thomas came in third place with 26. She’s still the Queen of Hot Dog Gobblin’, though, thanks to the 45 hot dogs she ate in 2012.
In case you really want to get into a bunch of growns pushing the barf back into their bodies with dozens of wieners and wet buns, here’s the video of all of today’s madness. Meanwhile, at the Scientology Bath House, the boys are pff-ting at these amateur wiener swallowers.
And during your Fourth of July celebrations today, make sure to pour out some of your hot dog water-tini for the toilets in Coney Island who will lose their lives today.