Some say that humans are the dumbest species to roam the land (which I can’t totally co-sign since we did invent Jell-O 1-2-3), but we are born with some natural instincts. Like we know that if we stick our hand in fire, we will end up with pork rind skin. And if we fuck John Mayer, we’ll end up with a crotch singing the theme song to The Itchy & Scratchy Show as we waddle all the way to the free clinic. We also know that if you put your hand near a meat-eating creature who is always looking for its next meal, you’ll probably end up learning how to open up a jar of spaghetti sauce with your thighs since you’ll be down one hand. That is why my brain shifted straight into “The fuck, girl?” gear while watching this video of a woman feeding a shark off the northwestern coast of Australia. And guess fucking what? Feeding a shark is a shit idea.
CNN says that the woman was on the stern of a friend’s super yacht with some others, feeding fish to a group of tawny nurse sharks. Like the mess they’re named after (they’re named after Tawny Kitaen, right?), they have been known to attack a trick periodically, and one of them bit at the finger that was waving right in front of its damn teeth, pulling the woman into the water. Again, if you’re the kind of human who needs proof that feeding a shark isn’t a smart move unless you really want a pirate hook and don’t want to pay a doctor to amputate your hand, here you go:
Luckily, the woman lived and didn’t lose a finger. She did have to go to surgery, though, since she was left with a fracture and an infection. She isn’t mad at the shark for pulling a shark, knows what she did was dumb, and gave some enlightening advice to us all while talking to The West Australian:
“It’s not the shark’s fault at all, but it could have been a lot worse. I’m not a shark victim…I have full respect for sharks, I think they’re incredible. I’ve always had the opinion that when you’re in the water, they’re top of the food chain, it’s their domain. Just be mindful of your surroundings and don’t feed sharks.”
I guess we’re all headed to a tattoo shop today, because that last piece of advice is so solid and brand new that we’re all going to get it tattooed on our fingers.