Good granny C.J. was sick of seeing my mope into my potato salad one Thanksgiving after I broke up with a “girlfriend” one year, so she gave me the sage advice all southern grannies with a filthy mouth offer up: “You’re never gonna get over her until you get under two beefy daddies.” Or something like that. Apparently, Jennifer Aniston was taught the same lesson, because if you can believe a new report, Jen has moved on from Justin Theroux by dating two dudes.
Us Weekly says Jen is currently filming a Netflix movie with Adam Sandler in Montreal, and everyone has noticed how happy she is and bubbly. Well, it certainly isn’t because she’s just gassed to swap lines with Billy Madison, either. It’s because she’s getting to play hide the salami with TWO salamis and – hallelujah – it sounds like she’s finally learned a lesson and is swiping left on anyone who has “actor” on their Tinder profile. First, we have a snitch giving the deets on peen no. 1, which belongs to a “tech titan” she met from a close friend:
“It’s very hush-hush. He recently split from his wife and is trying to win over Jen.”
Wouldn’t this make the rockets glare even redder in tomorrow night’s fireworks if it turns out Jen pulled an Angelina Jolie and is suddenly rubbing up on Bill Gates? Ah well, it’s definitely not that, but I’ll totally write that later for my Rachel Green fanfiction page on LiveJournal. Now, for the next gentleman caller! This fella is said to be “an industry creative” she met on a project several months ago. Now, wouldn’t this make the frozen margaritas at your barbecue tomorrow even sweeter if by fella, the snitch just means she and Reese Witherspoon are bumping nalgas between takes of that morning news drama they’re coming out with? Now that’s morning TV I’d like to see! It’s definitely not that, but I’ll still totally write that later, too, in my Rachel Green fanfiction on LiveJournal.