Cheryl Cole and Liam Payne Are Officially Over

July 2, 2018 / Posted by:

People reports that after decades upon decades of hearing about Liam Payne and Cheryl (last name pending. I don’t know if she has one right now) being over, they have announced that their 3-ish year relationship is over.Sigh, it seems like just yesterday she was rebounding onto his One Direction penis (also named One Direction). And Liam had been doing such a good job assuring the press that they were fighting through their problems. Guess it didn’t work out. Who’d of thunk it? Oh yeah, everyone.

In true celebrity fashion, the two both posted semi-identical statements to social media on Sunday evening to let us all know that 24-year-old Liam will no longer be getting his lunch money from 35-year-old Cheryl, and asked for “respect and privacy” in the name of their son Bear. Yeah okay, “respect and privacy” makes about as much sense in Hollywood as “successful relationship.

The two first met on The X-Factor UK in 2008 when Cheryl was judging the competition and Liam was competing as part of One Direction. They didn’t date during that time (since Liam was an actual child) but later after a divorce (which is always a great time to enter into a new relationship) Cheryl and Liam reconnected and things got serious in February 2016. She got pregnant later that year, so she obviously had her head on straight and entered into this with a good mind-set. Who wouldn’t think a boy-bander ten years younger than you wouldn’t be ready to be a father and partner? Not me!

I feel like these two spent more time trying to convince us all they were happy together, than they spent actually being happy together. Bear is both Liam and Cheryl’s first child, but this is not Cheryl’s first public break up. She’s actually had a couple. She’s like the Jennifer Lopez of the UK but she really took that shit and ran with it because I think J Lo has actually had a more successful dating life, which is sad to think about. Like, Jennifer has never changed her name; Cheryl has added and removed like two or three hyphenations–hence her lack of last name.

What I can say positive is that Cheryl is learning from her past mistakes. Like, at least she didn’t marry this one.


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