Pictured above is French cigarette (Gauloises, if you prefer) in human form Vanessa Paradis with her daughter Lily-Rose Depp on their way to a screening of “The Rum Diaries” … across their faces. Get it?! Get it?! Five heads so big the movie is playing ON THEIR FACES? Just take it from the guy behind them- that was a totally solid five head “joke.” No, they were actually attending Paris Fashion Week, and that’s not the story here. The story is that Vanessa got married for the first time.
French newspaper Le Parisien, (lovingly translated by People, thank the Lord, because all I can say is “where is the toilet” in French) tells us that Vanessa got married on Saturday to Samuel Benchetrit, a film director and owner of an impressive five head himself.
Look at this smoldering pile of hotness. Get it, Vanessa! On to the thrilling wedding details, and sadly there’s nothing about Vanessa serenading her guests with her greatest contribution to art Joe Le Taxi:
According to the French newspaper Le Parisien, the couple married in a small schoolhouse town hall in Saint-Simeon, a commune located one hour west of Paris in north-central France.
The bride, 45, carried a bouquet of pink roses while wearing a lacy cream-colored gown with an embroidered veil. Her hair was styled down, with flowers among her tresses.
The couple became engaged last November, a source tells PEOPLE, after they worked together on the film Chien, which screened this May at the Cannes Film Festival.
And here’s an even more thrilling pic of the two outside town hall:
Mariage de Vanessa Paradis et Samuel Benchetrit : les images de la sortie de la mairie https://t.co/70v9TVvxm5
— Le Parisien (@le_Parisien) June 30, 2018
It’s too bad these two probably won’t procreate, because that baby would have a glorious cone head. Vanessa’s kids Lily-Rose and Jack Depp (who isn’t seriously sick), both in attendance at the wedding, are 19 and 16, and she doesn’t strike me as the type to be changing diapers into her 50s (unlike some icons of Europe).
There were only about two dozen guests, and after 14 years of being with Johnny Depp, I’ll bet Vanessa was happy to, as my mother used to tell me, “tone it down” a bit with a little less attention on her new man. Vanessa also dated Lenny Kravitz for five years in the 1990s, so just bow down to this bitch and hope she’s not in an open marriage. She’s filled her quota!