Archives: July 2018
Night Crumbs
MoviePass is raising its subscription and members will have to wait a bit to see bigger movies in the theaters. So really it’s only a matter of time before you can only use your MoviePass at the dollar theater to see a 10am showing of Book Club where you’ll sit behind a hobo jacking off. Actually, the fapping hobo sold me. Sign me up! – Pajiba
Priyanka Chopra has signed on to do some movie with Chris Pratt called Cowboy Ninja Viking. I have no idea what that movie is about and I’m too lazy to check, but I’m guessing that Scarlett Johansson will soon sign on to play Ninja – Lainey Gossip
Why didn’t anyone tell me that on Southern Charm is a goddess who looks like a middle-aged Mischa Barton in Jacqueline Susann drag? – Reality Tea
Some People Think Naomi Campbell Is Pregnant. No, Really.
Potentially following in the footsteps of Brigitte Nielsen and Janet Jackson, Naomi Campbell could be the next 50-ish famous woman to have a baby growing in her womb. Naomi’s housekeepers better really work on their dodging skills, because they might soon be dodging flying phones from both Naomi and Naomi Jr.
Kevin Federline Thinks Britney Spears Is Pulling Some Famous Celebrity Behavior In Their Child Support Fight
Kevin Federline decided 2018 was going to be the year of the fat wallet by demanding more child support money from his ex-wife Britney Spears. Ever since he made his first request, he’s been putting in a ton of work at getting that cash. This might be the most work K-Fed has done in a year. It was rumored a few days ago that Brit’s dad Jamie Spears is about to give K-Fed more money. The only problem is, K-Fed wants to deal with Britney, and he recently claimed that it’s hard to do that when she’s acting like she’s too famous for court.
Cardi B Revealed She’s A Waffle House Patron In Her Quest To Prove She Doesn’t Lease Her Whip
You know you’ve made it big in the rap world when jealous hos start calling you out for flashy purchases and accuse you of leasing your tricked out ride. Cardi B is apparently not one to lease a luxury car and took to firing off her bank statement to slap down her accusers. It actually only made me more jealous because it looks like Cardi pregamed her Lamborghini purchase with a tricked out spread at her local Waffle House.
Open Post: Hosted By Nicole Kidman Catching A Tarantula
The other day, Nicole Kidman got an unwanted guest in the form of a tiny, scary creature with beady eyes. It wasn’t Tom Cruise. It was a tarantula who made its way into her backyard, causing her children to age about 60 years (they’re currently baby abuelitas and relaxing from the trauma in their cabanas at Shady Pines). Nicole posted a video on Instagram of one of her daughters screaming, “GET BACK!”, as she took on the hairy terror. Nicole’s daughter screaming “GET BACK!” is the ringtone I’m going to use with people whose call I don’t want to answer. Strangely enough, “GET BACK!”, is also what Nicole’s assistant screams at her every time “The Ex” comes up on her phone’s caller ID.
Even though Nicole’s daughters were dramatically freaking out, she kept calm and caught the tarantula. Of course Nicole is an expert spider catcher. Back in the day, she’d catch a tarantula with her bare hands and force it to bite into her forehead. Tarantula venom is totally nature’s Botox.
But really, Nicole has probably touched John Travolta’s wild wig, and she’s definitely seen many a Scientologist sloppily eat Tom Cruise’s ass (and I mean that both figuratively and literally), so a little tarantula ain’t shit to her. And how she caught the tarantula is the same way she used to deal with Tommy when they were married. Every time Tommy threw a fit that annoyed her, she’d put a little cup over him and refuse to let him out until he calmed down. So really, Nicole has Tommy to thank for catching that tarantula.
Pic: Instagram
Chloe Grace Moretz Says She Never Got The Perfume Kim Kardashian Sent Her
One of Kim Kardashian’s pettier attention-yanking stunts happened back in February when she sent both her friends and enemies her KKW perfume for Valentine’s Day. Kim made a list on some Post-its and Instagrammed who was getting what. On the haters list was Chloe Grace Moretz, which is totally normal, because what 37-year-old woman hasn’t found herself in a public feud with a 21-year-old they’ve never met? Kim’s childish revenge plot clearly didn’t work as well as she thought, because Chloe recently admitted that it didn’t even make it to her house.