While some of us are sitting over here disgusted with Scarlett Johansson’s “Carol Brady if Carol Brady let Jan Brady give her a haircut” hair, she’s disgusted over the old story that she was one of several women who auditioned to be Tom Cruise’s girlfriend.
The tale that it’s older than John Travolta’s favorite possum wig is that after Tommy’s beard contract with Penelope Cruz expired, the head crazies at Scientology set out to find him a girlfriend who’d embrace the LSD-induced ramblings of L. Ron Hubbard, unlike stupid nonbelievers Nicole Kidman and Penelope, and become the Princess of Scientology. Scientology supposedly held an “audition” in 2004 that included ScarJo. An ex-employee of Scientology and Sea Org was on Megyn Kelly’s hour of Today yesterday and said he saw ScarJo’s name on a report about the Tommy girlfriend auditions. Megyn Kelly is exploding with happiness since her show, Ambien Presents The Boring Hour Of Who Cares Shit, finally got some attention, but ScarJo is pissed.
Brendan Tighe was part of Tommy’s security detail back then and said on Megyn’s show that reports about the girlfriend audition were accidentally sent to his printer. He read some of it, and said he remembers ScarJo’s name because it’s the only one he recognized. He also said that Scientologist Erika Christensen had to stop being friends with ScarJo because her audition was a flop.
“Another actress, Erika Christensen, had to disconnect from Scarlett Johansson because it didn’t go well. That was in that report,” Tighe said.
ScarJo responded to the regurgitated rumor in a statement to The Hollywood Reporter and let us all know that she would never!
“The very idea of any person auditioning to be in a relationship is so demeaning. I refuse for anyone to spread the idea that I lack the integrity to choose my own relationships. Only a man aka Brendan Tighe would come up with a crazy story like that.”
There’s a chance that your lungs and stomach are getting in some serious cardio as you cackle over someone who took a check to play an Asian role and had dinner with Woody Allen saying she has “integrity.” You so funny, ScarJo!
I don’t think anyone actually thought that ScarJo wrote her name down on a sign-up sheet titled: Audition To Be Tommy Girl’s Girl. The story was that actresses, including ScarJo and Jessica Alba, met with Tommy thinking they were there to talk to him about a role in Mission: Impossible III and had no idea they were being looked at as a possible girlfriend. ScarJo actually got cast in M:I:III, but quit, and some say it’s because she realized something strange was going down. ScarJo probably figured it out when Tommy’s “assistant” knocked on her skull to check to see how far they’ll need to drill while installing the microchip. Vanity Fair did a story about the supposed girlfriend search process, and they also brought up ScarJo, and said that Scientologist/actress Nazanin Boniadi (she has since left Scientology) was David Miscavige’s pick at first, but eventually Tommy went with Katie Holmes.
So I don’t believe that ScarJo knew she was auditioning to be Tommy Cruise’s girlfriend, but I do think that Scientology was probably looking at her as a possibility and she ran for the door when she figured it out. And I mean she literally ran for the door, which made Tommy nudge David and say, “Girl, let her go, she runs too fast. I know I’m an expert runner, but I’m not trying to wear out these cha-cha heels while trying to catch my hostage bride. Now let’s check and see how fast that Katie Holmes can run….”