Open Post: Hosted By Tom Brady Coming Out As An Ass Eater

June 28, 2018 / Posted by:

Barstool Sports posted this picture on their Instagram yesterday of one hungry, hungry hippo earning its PhD in Butt Munching by swallowing that ass cheek up. Or maybe that hippo is a political performance artiste and this its way of commenting on the shit we have to deal with every time we look at the news.

As soon as bae gets out of the shower #AssEatinSZN @barstooloutdoors

A post shared by Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) on

You would think that Tom Brady would look at that picture and giggle while clapping endlessly over those silly hippos before Gisele Bundchen screamed at him that his afternoon snack of grass-fed grass crackers and organic air was ready, but he got it! The low watt, almost-burnt-out bulb in his head lit up and he got it was a joke about rimming, and he related.

Tom slipped into the comments and added three laugh-crying emojis with a “yep.” So I take back what I’ve said over and over again about Tom only eating grass, air, and organic water. Tom eats grass, air, organic water, and ASS! Or maybe that’s not what Tom is saying. Maybe Tom’s not the one who takes his tongue on a journey around Gis’ outer rim. Great, I just gave myself the image of Tom hopping out of the shower all giddy-like before spreading those cheeks and presenting his hole to his wife. No, Gis isn’t stupid. She can’t trust him to not mouth burp out some image-ruining crap about Trump to the press, and so she sure as hell can’t trust him to not butt burp during a salad tossin’.

Pic: Instagram

 

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