Lindsay Lohan sat down with the New York Times to discuss her once-promising career, demise of said career, and new career of opening night clubs, such as her newest the Lohan Beach House in Mykonos. It is a LONG interview and she shits out a lot of crap. Since I’m paid to sift through it, you don’t have to completely get your eyeballs covered in bullshit while reading all of it.
Here’s some highlights:
- Lindsay Lohan did not speak in her new accent, which is a shame because it makes her more interesting
- Lindsay complained about America and how its “always like, ‘Go go go go go!’”
- There was a “shirtless and ripped Romanian man with several teardrops tattooed on his face and the image of a person doing cocaine inked on his abs danced near the bar.” …What? That’s a highlight. …He’s ripped!
- After complaining about America and the Kartrashians being famous here, she name drops Karl Lagerfeld to show how over it and in touch with reality she is: “That click — Karl Lagerfeld said, ‘It’s like they’re shooting guns at me,’ when I first met him at Fendi.”
- Lindsay revealed she’s old friends with Donald Trump‘s least favorite daughter, Tiffany who will be visiting Lindsay’s club later
- Lindsay picked up meditating twice a day from Oprah Winfrey; too bad she couldn’t pick up filming a show twice a day from Oprah
- Lindsay gets her life views from Internet Astrologist Susan Miller, so… yeah, explains a lot
- She is working on a thriller called ‘The Honeymoon’ which she helped write.
- Lindsay Lohan “only does paid shoots” which explains why we haven’t seen any professional photos of her lately
- She is considered a “sophisticated international businesswoman.” Are you allowed to call yourself that if technically your country of origin didn’t want you? Does that change things? What if a drug dealer is forced to leave his country, does that make him sophisticated when he sets up shop elsewhere? Just wondering.
She also states that she’s hoping to start a Vanderpump Rules-style series for MTV which would revolve around all the hot Euros she’s hired at her Lohan Beach House. She even tried to get MTV’s attention by desperately posting a clip that’s a cross between a horror movie shot with a rotten tomato and a zero-budget Lana Del Rey video.
Knowing LiLo, she’s probably hired some real wrecks, so I would 100% watch that series. I can’t wait to see how messy the European version of Jax Taylor turns out to be and what drama ensues when he’s caught doing body shots in the janitor’s closet off of Dina “White Oprah’s” chest with booze they stole from the bar.