When the Royal Mail conveniently “lost” Duchess Meghan’s Father’s Day card to fame-whoring extraordinaire Thomas Markle, it was said he was gutted and feared being iced out by all those British snoots. Thomas is so gutted and devastated that he ran crying to the press to say how bad he feels about being punished. Don’t fuck with THE QUEEN, Thomas, or else she’ll punish you AND her whole damn family. Rather than meet with Thomas, QE2 has decided she’ll push him back a few decades on her calendar and instead take a meeting next month with, hoo boy, Donald Trump. What did the rest of the royals do to warrant such a punishment?!
TMZ says Thomas called them up to say he hasn’t talked with any royals, including his daughter, since last week’s Masterpiece Da-Fuckery interview on Good Morning Britain where he claimed Prince Harry didn’t think Brexit was the end of Jolly ol’ England and that Trump should be given a chance. Trump’s hands must be chafed from dialing Buckingham Palace so quickly after sensing he might have a chance. Thomas now thinks he fucked up RULL bad and is being put in a penalty box for blabbing away to anyone who will listen, but he also thinks it’s fucked for Queen Lizzy to resort to hanging out with someone as bad as Trump just to make him jealous:
“If the Queen is willing to meet our arrogant, ignorant, and insensitive president she has no excuse not to meet me, I’m nowhere near as bad.”
Thomas still says he has every intention of making it over to England to meet Prince Harry, QE2, and, yeah, maybe even see his daughter while he’s in town. On that note, don’t be surprised to see the queen suddenly inspired to bring up all the drawbridges at her castles and chant, “Build the wall!”