Suri Cruise Threw A Capitalist Punch With Her NYC Pride Lemonade Stand

June 25, 2018 / Posted by:

With millions of people descending upon New York City last weekend for the country’s largest Pride Month celebration, it was clear there was a helluva lot of money to be made from thirsty queens. While most of us might snicker into thinking ‘dat cash would go to vodka sodas and Grindr Premium accounts, Suri Cruise figured she could make enough money to just about buy out the entire Build-a-Bear corporation by hawking lemonade in front of her house in Manhattan. She wasn’t wrong.

Us Weekly says Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise’s 12-year-old daughter spent Saturday afternoon with four friends and her nanny peddling $2 lemonade and Pride-themed snacks. If there’s one thing corporate America loves, it’s making a quick buck of the gays during Pride. And if there’s one thing the gays love more than an opportunity to post an Instagram relating to Beyoncé’s Lemonade, it’s a celebrity sighting. So you might say this thing was destined for success. At least, way more success than if cheap ass Uncle John Travolta tried to pay Suri for his lemonade with a dog-eared copy of Dianetics.

Obviously, entrepreneurial spirit-crusher Permit Patty was too busy calling the cops in San Francisco to book a flight to NYC, because a source says Suri had a great weekend.

“They had rainbow Rice Krispies treats and lemonade with signs all around their table for Pride. She was very sweet and kind, telling everyone to enjoy their day and would smile whenever someone walked past! Very sweet.”

Suri and her mama Katie Holmes have been spotted around New York quite a bit since setting up their home there several years ago. They’ve been to Madison Square Garden for New York Knicks games, and are often seen exploring the sights. Little did we know that was all a recon mission for the adolescent Martha Stewart to gauge her new market and figure out how in the hell can she make bank off the Big Apple and retire by 20.

Considering the crowds and how she managed to get a slew of carb-conscious gays and gayelles to break their no-sugar rule, I think Suri might be off to a good start. And I give it all of 20 minutes before Bey and Jay-Z hire a consultant to teach Blue Ivy how it’s never too early to start planning for retirement by opening an almond milk stand for all the indie Williamsburg queens loitering around the front door of their Brooklyn palace.


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