Night Crumbs

June 25, 2018 / Posted by:

Janelle Monae showed up to the BET Awards looking like the conductor of her own Pride parade float. This big gay beautiful quinceañera dress made me butt burp out giant shards of rainbow glitter, but Janelle really should’ve went all the way with the Pride parade float theme, and covered her dress with tiny dancing shirtless men in metallic ass-less chonies, at least one RuPaul’s Drag Race queen, and a bored DJ who is just there for the check. Oh, and it also should’ve been sponsored by Citibank, because if you’ve got a float at Pride and it’s not sponsored by some giant corporation, what even the fuck are you doing at Pride? – Lainey Gossip

Someone on Brad Pitt’s damage control team is really working hard for that end-of-the-year bonus by pretending to be a source and telling People that he’s a real-life Benjamin Button – Celebitchy

Luis D. Ortiz from Million Dollar Listing got real about dealing with depression and thoughts of suicide – Reality Tea

RuPaul vlogging from her shit hole apartment in the 80s >>>> every YouTuber who exists – OMG Blog

Seth Rogen claims he slammed Paul Ryan when Paul Ryan asked for a selfie, and I want to believe that beautiful moment happened, but Seth Rogen using the word “furthermore” in a conversation is some fairy tale shit – Pajiba

While you’re catching pneumonia from the office manager Pam turning the AC down to asshole-freezing temperatures, Kate Hudson’s unborn baby is sunbathing in Greece  – SOW

Joel Taylor from Storm Chasers died from a cocktail of several party drugs, a sleeping pill and a tricyclic anti-depressant – Towleroad

Madison “Not A Wisconsin Alcoholic Beverage Company” Beer is serving “drunk girl thinking she’s bringing pure sex while dancing to a Drake song at a house party” with those moves – Hollywood Tuna

Whatever that dancer is making, he’s not making enough money to pretend to be hypnotized by Taylor Swift’s sequins-covered sugar cookie crotch – Popoholic

Carla Howe (more like Carla Who?) covered the streets of wherever she was with streams of potent elegance – Drunken Stepfather

MTV is going to be so pissed at Ronnie from Jersey Shore for not having cameras around when his girlfriend allegedly dragged him with her car while their baby was in the backseat – People

The Old Man from Pawn Stars has gone on to the great big pawn shop in the sky at the age of 77 – Just Jared


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