Still reeling from last night’s Westworld finale? Me too. And I’m sorry to shake you guys up more, but something else mind-bendingly, timeline-confusing has happened: future President Kim Kardashian is done with selfies. I would let out a gay gasp to end all gay gasps, but I used them all up this weekend at Pride.
Kim dropped by KLTA-5 last week to talk with them about the latest season of the never-ending nightmare that is Keeping Up with the Kardashians. The conversation detoured into the topic of taking pictures (shocker) when reporter Sam Rubin asked if she’d take a selfie. But homegirl claims she doesn’t do that anymore.
“You know, I don’t take selfies anymore. I don’t really like them…as much.”
Perplexed by anyone with even the vaguest knowledge of Kim, she explained her reasoning. And just like Westworld’s narrative line: it’s highly-coherent:
“No, I just, like, kinda moved on, like, it’s not all about, like, sitting there taking selfies. I used to spend so much of my time taking selfies…I just would like to live in real-time a little bit more. Um, I don’t mind pictures, but I’m just not on my phone as much as I used to be.”
Call Maury Povich, because that is a fucking LIE. Real-time? There is only Keeping Up with the Kardashians time, and Kris Jenner has you on it 24/7. Don’t fuck with your mother, Kim. You want her to lose out on money from your promotional selfies? Think twice. She will sue anybody.
Kim did say one thing I believed during this interview, though. She said she doesn’t know when kids these days are supposed to get phones. Kim Kardashian? So separated from reality she has no concept of appropriate milestones in her children’s lives? Believable.
But again: there’s no way this bundle of hedonism has given up on taking pictures of herself. Personally, I think she means she’s done taking selfies because her arms have become exhausted from years of holding them at a high 60-degree angle, and she can’t personally do it anymore. Thankfully she can put those children of hers to work. Because they’re so low to the ground, they must be able to capture great angles of their cool mom. And we already know North West is a photography connoisseur.