Chip And Joanna Gaines’ New Baby Name Is A Fixer Upper

June 24, 2018 / Posted by:

Yes, every baby is beautiful (that’s a lie) and it doesn’t matter what you name your child as long as they’re loved (yes it does). But “Crew? Crew Gaines?” It sounds like a spin-off of Rogaine for extra sweaty jock people to maintain their pubic bushes.

People reports that Joanna Gaines revealed in an Instagram post that she and her husband and fellow home decor czar, Chip, named their new son Crew Gaines. So when you think of this kid, you’re going to think of a bunch of muscular collegiate dudes in spandex compression shorts crammed together in a long kayak thing and practically humping each other from behind while flexing those biceps…er, maybe “Crew” isn’t that bad? They still should have stayed on brand and gone with “Shiplap.”

They also included some pics of the kid, and Joanna revealed that he was a bit premature.

“Our baby boy, Crew Gaines, is here and we couldn’t be more in love. He made an unexpected (and speedy) entrance into the world two and a half weeks early — which is fitting given he was a sweet surprise from day one. Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. We are so grateful.”

Whilst side-scrolling through the pics below, you’re probably going to pray for Jo Jo not to include the inevitable post-birth shot of the mom and her cleavage holding baby. That shot always makes everyone uncomfortable! You don’t want to see your friend practically tits-out and looking like she fell several stories. Well, there’s no cleavage but there is a shot like that. You know this was post makeup team, post-baby vaginal masseuse, and a Valium or two.

Also, the other kids were excited about their sibling. Or so this Instagram post claims. This is so staged. My middle brother and I had no wish to have another child in our home dividing our parents’ attention even more. We put him up for sale at our lemonade stand when he was two.

The only other revelation from this shoot is the last pic. It demonstrates that the oldest son Drake, 13, has some taste and a conscience, because he looks totally embarrassed to be involved in this photoshoot. It’s because he knows that his ‘rents are going to be posting all of these pics all over social media in order to sell more shit at Target. We feel you, Drake.

Pic: Instagram

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