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June 19, 2018 / Posted by:

The Hunt’s Snack Pack Metal Can!

Us children of the 80s and 90s had it so easy. Our fingers never got slashed up from opening pudding. And that’s because by the time we were born, the evil child-haters at Hunt-Wesson Food, the original creators of Snack Pack, decided to stop terrorizing the tongues ¬†and fingers of children by switching out the blood-thirsty metal cans for plastic ones. But when Snack Pack, who is now owned by ConAgra foods, first hit the lunch box scene in 1968, they came in torturous aluminum cans that probably made children back then say, “Hunt’s Snack Pack? More like Cunt’s Snack Pack!” (Yes, they really said that.)

Hunt-Wesson conjured up Snack Pack after thinking that kids needed a “healthy” dessert for their lunch boxes that didn’t need to be in the refrigerator. So they made Snack Pack, which were metal cans filled with super healthy deliciousness like fresh fruit (read: fruit-flavored corn syrup jellies molded into fruit shapes swimming in a pool of cavity-making syrup) and super good-for-you sludge called pudding. Not only was the inside made up of pure healthiness, but the container it came in totally wasn’t a safety hazard.

The aluminum lid was like a blade when you pulled it off. Shit was dangerous enough for them to put a note on the packaging from a cartoon horse who warned the eater about the dangers of rimming, and to keep America beautiful by not littering. I wonder if that horse still thinks America is so beautiful.

“Open carefully. Don’t handle lid or inner can rim. Put empties in trash containers. KEEP AMERICA BEAUTIFUL.”

The canned version also had a metallic taste. Over the years, the Snack Pack lid was made safer and eventually became plastic.

If you’ve got a scar on your finger from a Snack Pack lid, then wear that shit proudly. You bled for some diabetes-inducing processed deliciousness. You are America!

Pics: Retroland, Uncyclopedia

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