John Cena Vows To Impregnate Nikki Bella

June 18, 2018 / Posted by:

There’s been a development in the Nikki Bella/John Cena relationship, y’all!  Everyone’s favorite soap opera with fists–WWE–is known for it’s high-octane drama and Rupaul-level theatrics, but we often forget what keeps the whole machine running: it’s heart.

Previously we’ve seen the two break off their engagement; we learned it was because John really hated the idea of babies or marriage; and then we saw John make a very public announcement of his continued love for her, which she was, like, totally stunned about! The totally real drama continues!

E! News says, while John previously looked upon having a child the same way I look upon getting thrown into a volcano while still alive, he has changed his tune!  The two sat down for a totally real and not at all scripted moment on their show Total Bellas where John told her:

“I wanna marry you and relationship and marriage especially is about sacrifice, and I will make that sacrifice for you. I will give you a child.”

Nikki was stunned because producers hadn’t yet told her about the update in her storyline, and apparently John had gone in for the ol’ snip, snip.  TV magic is good, but even she knows they can’t fake that!  But don’t worry future Mrs. Bella-Cena, he will get it reversed:

“I know. I physically can’t have kids. So, I’m also telling you that I’m willing to have surgery and then still go through with being a dad.”

It’s not every day a man will promise on television to have a surgeon jump up his dick and reverse his vasectomy for you. This is the progress Carrie Bradshaw was working so hard for! But do you really want the story of your birth to be your dad saying: “Fuck it!  If you want a baby I guess I can get my surgery reversed and bust inside you tonight.”  Cute.

Although I will say, if John is really going to go through with this, I would like to volunteer to help with the vasectomy reversal.  I love me a dim bag of muscles and after that scene in Trainwreck: I have been all about it.  Beat me up, John!  Put me in a headlock!  Toss me against the ropes!  BREAK ME!


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